AN ACCEPTABLE AMOUNT OF HARD FOR THE FUCKIN' RADIO

ARTIST UNKNOWN, "CAR CRASH SLIP OR FALL," DATE UNKNOWN

For years, TERRESTRIALiens have known that 411 Pain has the hardest commercial jingles in the game. From heart-on-sleeve pathos to parodic gallows humor, their musical sensibility empathizes the full range of emotion felt by someone who just got sideswiped by a jalopy. But where 411 Pain mirrors the larger trend of hybridized (or vanishing) regional styles by mining a panoply of styles, Freeman Law remains the foremost purveyor of bass music since Trick Daddy strategically euthanized the genre on "Scarred."  You won't hear Anquette unless you tune into the oldies station, so the closest you'll get to bass bliss are those 7 seconds (no Walk Together, Rock Together) of touchingly regional sponsored content. In the dialectic of global and local culture, score one for the isolationists!



GUAPDAD 4000, "PLATINUM FALCON," 2020

So what to make of its similarity to the chorus on Guapdad 4000's "Platinum Falcon?" Is it just an effect of the sing-songy approach and the phonetic similarity between "car crash" and "card crackin?" Am I being overbearing to suggest that Miami Bass has any claim on nursery rhyme constructions? Parallel thinking or cryptomnesia?

I'm hoping it's good old-fashioned plagiarism, because an artist who rips off Freeman Law jingles is an artist I can get excited about. If we live in a world where an artist can't sample radio jingles, then the Dust Brothers died for nothing.