THROWBACK INEPTITUDE: THE ATLANTIC JUST KINGED THIS CLICK-HATE SHIT!

Sometimes everything's goin OK in my life and I think, "Yo, I could really use a nice shot of rage mainlining thru the bloodstream."  This afternoon I seent an Atlantic article touting ASAP Rocky's new album as prog-rap or some shit, with a tagline that had me pissin driblets I was so mad: "Rocky’s previous work has proved influential and other buzzed-about rappers have lately been name-dropping acid, so maybe the culture’s moving on from molly and its revved-up, day-glo aesthetic."  Oh no you didn't, Atlantic!

I held off reading it cause I wasn't about to start throwin bows in polite company, but now in the comfort of my padded cell I can bounce off the walls n shit without fear of hurting old ppl (still wear my helmet tho, safety first).   This shit is a minor masterpiece in its own way, mainly as a callback to an older era.  The Internet changed tha music writing game with all its hyperfragmentation, an incalculable advancement in terms of quality.  Back in the day tho, there were fewer voices in this wonderful rainbow, O, this gossamer tapestry!, of conversation, maybe one or two pop music critics at ya local paper, usually middle-aged white guys who loved the era's version of Wilco, and their shitty coverage had the gravitas of appearing in newsprint.

The Atlantic is bringin that back, boy!  This mufuh talkin bout how ASAP Rocky's new album is proggy because drugs, even though it is obviously the rap equivalent of melodic post-grunge (cf. Hum, Superhog, Cracker, Smashing Pumpkins, Toadies, New Radicals [tho they ain't real post-grunge if we bein strict about it]).  Dis article seems deliberately engineered to rub anyone with a more than casual interest in rap the wrong way, so Ima tell myself it's a "happening" like the Dadas used to do before they were hunted into extinction by the Native Americans (p/k/a Indians), otherwise I would let an automatic drill burrow deep in my brain. Yo Atlantic, sign me up! I got a great idea for a thinkpiece on Kanye as the post-racial Bob Dylan! Y'all wanna see my essays on Beyonce's secrete feminism?

Related question: Has ASAP Rocky switched his focus from rapping to being a bottomless resource of enraging news stories?   Maybe he's the true media prankster!   Cloud-rap will never die, beeyoch!  Catch me in the pit wit my cloud-rap vest on, I'll trade u my Main Attraktionz patch for your Yung Lean iron-on.

ASAP ROCKY WOULD RATHER BE A MALE MODEL THAN A RAPPER, BUT WHO CAN BLAME HIM?

At one point Rocky had wanted to give up rapping and focus on other things — modeling, making beats — but Yams persuaded him to stick with it. 

Been following Yams's death because I loved his Complex list so much, and retroactively realized he was the fella behind Real Nigga Tumblr, which admittedly I never understood.  RIP Yams, a true rap music visionary.  This post, however, concerns his semi-handsome protege A$AP Rocky.  Now I won't front as if I didn't like the LiveLoveA$AP mixtape, but I liken that to a Group Home album.  The beats were so dope and zeitgeisty that they really only needed a passable MC to not fuck anything up.  Clams Casino was hot in 2011 or whenever the fuck that came out, and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise.

But if I were Rocky, I would keep burying my lack of charisma beneath 2Chainz hooks rather than going the Marky Mark route.  Some rappers claim they can't leave the streets alone, but Rocky's heart remains on the catwalk.  The Jon C. NY Times article says he lives in Soho, which makes sense.  He lives in the dickwad fashionista capitol he embodies.

R.I.P. A$AP YAMS

Say what you will about A$AP ROCKY and his fashionable cohort, but that LiveLoveASAP joint changed the game for about three months.  It was like the Doctor Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Sandwich of the Reblog Era.  NYC rappers were still too retrograde, provincial, and stupid to rip off the south; hipster rap was still just a glint in an A&R dweeb's eye.

I guess A$AP YAMS changed all that?  IDK, I only knew him as the dude with the big liver spot on his headpiece until I started getting my necrophiliac death groupie shit on.  But that Jon C NYT profile portrays him as the Malcolm McLaren svengali type behind the A$AP operation, which makes SPACEGHOSTPURRP Glen Matlock (sorry Glen) and Raf Simons Vivienne Westwood.  Dipset are the New York Dolls for obvious reasons.

An' even if u don't fuck heavily with the A$AP schtick, YAMS'S taste was impeccable.  His Complex list is unorthodox and straight from the heart, a map of one man's highly personal hip-hop canon.  No matter what LORD JAMAR tries to tell you (he haunts me Freddy Krueger style in my dreams), the beauty of hip-hop is it ain't a monolithic slab - it's different shit to different peoples from all walks of life.  And yo, the casual enthusiasm behind his choices just shows why so much music writing is wack.  This was a dude just pontificating on his favorite shit, not tryin to write a term paper or parlay his internship at Spin into a position at Pitchfork.  The love is real, even if it was scatterbrained and syrup-addled.  He became a tastemaker cause he had his own taste, and that's hard to come by in this world.

PURPLE SHIRTED YUPPIE IN A$AP'S "PESO" VIDEO: A SYMBOL FOR DA GENTRIFICATION OF HIP-HOP OR MERELY HILARIOUS?

FIGURE I

So yo, I was watching dat A$AP ROCKY "Peso" video da other day, tryna remember who made dem bone shoes in the video.  I was invited to a very high society wedding and wanna ensure I'm not gonna embarrass myself with some bum-ass gear, you feel?

As I was watchin, I paused to read dis cat's tshirt ("OUR TAXES PAY 4 COPS WHO PROTECT BANKING ELITES BOYCOTT FEDERAL RESERVE" - dat's some convoluted shit, bruh bruh).  After digesting dat white-T agitprop, I noticed a curious figure in da background.  In the midst of A$AP's "mobbin with the crew" moment, a staple of da NYC rap video, one notices a chubby white dude in a swagless outfit consisting of a purple shirt, khaki shorts and I dunno, probably dem clunky-ass New Balances.  He even got a bitchass totebag or some shit slung over his shoulder, probably from Whole Foods or some wack wine store that don't even sell Mad Dog 20/20.  Typical NYC yuppie.  Wasn't there an editor who could've ixnayed this simp?

Now we all know A$AP ain't exactly the most thugged-out cat on the block, but does this not in itself reflect the gentrification of his native city?  I means, take a look at a MOBB DEEP or JAY-Z or WU-TANG or BLACK MOON video that features mobbin shots.  Ain't no white yuppies accidentally steppin in the frame!

FIGURES II & III
 

Now these two images is, respectively, from M.O.P.'s "Ante Up" video and GROUP HOME's "Supa Star" video, precursors to the mobbin-in-front-of-da-bodega trope that A$AP's "Peso" continues.  These dudes look hard (no homo) - good heavens, da cat on the right in the GROUP HOME video is in the act of drinking a 40 oz. of malt liquor! - and contextually, it's hard to imagine they would let a NPR-listening poindexter pass without some form of rude commentary and/or public humiliation.

What's the basis for this change?  Does NYC's gentrification coincide with NYC hip-hop's own cultural gentrification?  A$AP occasionally raps about some street shit, but it's usually half-hearted and unconvincing.  His thematic focuses are swag, fashion, and exploring the multi-layered Pretty Motherfucker persona.  All da aforementioned '90/early-'00s rappers were decidedly on some street shit; fashion for them was limited to KARL KANI or FUBU.  Is this shift in subject matter rooted in da gentrification of the artist's surroundings?  Is it a sign of racial progress that soft white cats can stroll breezily through a Harlem video shoot and not be hassled by a young black rapper and his posse?  Was the purple shirt dude in FIGURE I actually gettin heckled but blocked it out by listening to his IRA GLASS podcast?  And where was the video editor for all of this?

IDK.  The world is changing.  There are ski slopes here in Jackson Hole that I wouldn't have dared sully my Salomons with just a few years ago - now I can shred the gnar without having to clutch my purse close or look over my back.  CHUUUUCH!

ONE TRAIN: WE GO VERSE BY VERSE Y'ALL!

 

So da new A$AP ROCKY - can't front, it's good.  He's coverin all the markets: mainstream club-banger wit "Fuckin Problems," hipsters wit da CLAMS CASINO and SANTIGOLD joints, meth-head skeezers with that weird SKRILLEX collabo.  And on "1 TRAIN," he caters to that fickle group of hobbyists known as HIP-HOP HEADS.  It's a posse cut with a roster reading like a XXL Freshmen list that shoulda been: KENDRICK LAMAR, JOEY BADA$$, YELAWOLF, DANNY BROWN, ACTION BRONSON, AND BIG KRIT.  So who go the hardest?  Let's break it down!

KENDRICK LAMAR

Kind of a forgettable verse.  Maybe we just getting used to consistent excellence?  It gets more entertaining toward the end when he sounds like he's desperately trying to keep from splattering his Fruit of the Looms with diarrhea.

JOEY BADA$$ 

Rhymes "conscious" with "conscience" and "prism" with "prison" in the first four bars.  Threw us for a loop there, BADA$$!  We was just expecting some retread NY Golden Era shit, but you flipped the script n shit!

YELAWOLF

Kills it!  Never been a big fan of his work, but he comes thru sounding like a DUNGEON FAMILY influenced Rumpelstiltskin.  I don't think I'll ever listen to his music on the regular, but thanks for the momentary entertainment, homie!

DANNY BROWN

His best work is in concept-driven songs, which doesn't lend itself well to a guest verse.  Like KENDRICK it just sounds like he's treading water.

 

ACTION BRONSON

Kills it!  Erryone knows he sounds just like GHOSTFACE, but he pushin that aesthetic to revelatory extremes, namedroppin none other than former Cleveland Indian KENNY LOFTON and comparing his girl's walk to a Chilean horse.  He even drop the weirdest boast ever, talkin bout fixin the game between Georgia Southern and Grambling.  Big money high roller!

BIG KRIT

Never paid much attention to this young man (he seems nice), and I think I'm gonna maintain like that.  He uses his verse as an opportunity to advertise his existence.  The cynical references to "choppin blades" and "grippin grain" say, "Hey hip-hop fans!  You may not have heard of me, but if you're looking for some UGK influenced rap, why not give me a listen?"

CONCLUSION
I think I'm gonna give the crown to ACTION BRONSON with a slight edge over YELAWOLF.  I ain't gonna listen to his music or nuthin, but he itched all the right spots on this track (no homo, seriously).

Imagine that: ACTION BRONSON and YELAWOLF are the winners.  For once the white man wins!

TRINIDAD JAME$ IS DA DOWN SOUTH A$AP ROCKY

So dis old head named Q-TIP obliquely dissed DEF JAM via the Twitter back like 2 weeks ago.  For those who don't know, Q-TIP was a member of A TRIBE CALLED QUEST, then a solo artist, and now a basketcase on some LAURYN HILL/SLY STONE-type breakdown; DEF JAM was a record label, a corporate enterprise that produced and distributed musical recordings back when such things were available exclusively thru physical media (CD, LP, cassette).

So Q-TIP called out DEF JAM for losing they way or some bullshit and certain members of the peanut gallery decided this dyspepsia was directed at their new artist TRINIDAD JAME$, who recently signed for $2 mil.  Mr. JAME$ only been rapping for a few months or some shit, and I guess mad heads have a problem with this.  I don't know.  It ain't really about rappin per se anymore...more about how compelling your brand/image is to the Tumblr market.  In this way, TRINIDAD JAME$ calls to mind A$AP ROCKY, a serviceable albeit unspectacular rapper whose mixtape LIVELOVEA$AP was nevertheless dope on the strength of ill CLAMS CASINO beats and A$AP'S blackman hipster persona.  He found a niche in the market and executed nicely.  Nuff respect.

TRINIDAD JAME$ is basically a southern A$AP: good-but-not-great-rapper with dope beats.  And for those ol bitches who gon be like, "Oh shucks, he cannot rap!  Waaaah, real hip-hip hop, etc etc," then take two listens to a GROUP HOME album and get back to me.  THOSE motherfuckers rapped like they were constipated and had a head cold - and they was boring as shit, I'm talkin zilcho personality - but they got by on the strength of those DJ PREMIER beats.  Add an interest in fashion (reclaiming sandals in the "All Gold Everything" video after they were defamed by JAY-Z or JIM JONES [I can't remember]), some trendy drug talk (pop a molly he sweatin, WOO!), knock-off CLAMS CASINO/"trillwave" beats, a Southern drawl to make it superficially more ignorant and BOOOOOOOOOM: southern A$AP, right down to the dollar sign in the name.

Peace sluts.

A$AP FERG STAY STEALIN THE SHOW

 

Sup to all the muckrackers and fly sensationalists.  RAP MUSIC HYSTERIA finna do the damn thing.  Ya boy been popping bottle after bottle of Ace of Spades at The Million Dollar Cowboy Bar, but bloggin is in my blood, son.  I used to stand on the corner late at night, leaning against the lamppost at zero-below, vapors comin out with each breath, boys in blue patrollin my block, just bloggin so I could put some food on the table to feed my lil daughter.

So yo, earlier I wrote about A$AP ROCKY's merely aight new song, "Purple Kisses," and I stand by that judgment.  But yo, the A$AP MOB compilation, Lord$ Never Worry, got some joints on it!  And once again, the dude A$AP FERG steal the show.  Y'all remember this fool on "Kissin Pink," where he imbued that shit with some BIG MOE style sizzurp sangin, and really brought the whole Houston/SCREWED UP CLICK meets NY aesthetic together.

On dis new track he just tantalizes dis blogger even more (no homo).  FERG drops dem ill rhymes in a slightly more conventional style on top of a somber understated piano RZA type beat.  Shit, boy.  Stealin da show once again!  And his daddy designed da BAD BOY logo?  Blood run deep, no joke.  Me n my daddy finna ski through powdery provences together once I meet him at da crossroads.  I guess I should call him and tell him I'm finna be 10-15 mins late.  Chuuuuuuuuuuuch!

DA NEW ASAP ROCKY IS AIGHT I GUESS

Shit sounds like he's treading water.  Yeah there are some cool parts and whatevs, but overall I ain't fuckin with it like anything on LiveLoveA$AP or even that weird unofficial comp DatPiff had on their website.

I dunno, maybe it's like a Yes or Genesis album or something where I need to listen to it five times at 78 rpm while hittin astral planes on an ayahuasca trip before it actually sinks in?  To be honest doe, the shit reminds me of comin down from ecstasy which is one empty-ass feeling.

ASAP, you my dude n shit, but if you don't come with something hotter next time, I'ma strangle you with an Yves Saint Laurent bowtie.  RAP MUSIC HYSTERIA! has spoken, bitches.