SINGLES GOIN STEADY!

LIL BOOSIE & NBA YOUNGBOY - SOUTHERN SMOKE
Low-end innard tingler (nullus) from Old Man Boosie and Young Boy Youngboy. Bass certified to beat up your erogenous zones, coaxing the safe word from your lips with all the foresight of an impulse. This is the kind of intergenerational mono-regionalism that make a community-minded provincialist say, "Aye!"

Had to detox from Boosie after 2016's mixtape suite left the world blanched, so it's nice to find him in buoyant spirits. He says something about jambalaya, crawfish, and Mardi Gras, and that's enough for an all-purpose tourist like myself. Usually, the young swain NBA Youngboy allows me to indulge in my emotional side without sacrificing too much toxic masculinity, mine beloved crutch, but he is not singing sad songs here - instead he sings the chest-pounding song of self!



CHIPPASS & LARRY JUNE - BOUT ME
It's the year 2019, and it seems Chippass is doomed to make headbangers in moderate obscurity until his sun sets. It's not exactly the most marketable music. Lil Jon snuck it into the mainstream for a couple years at the peak of crunk, a feat only possible through a rare cocktail of media savvy and pop sensibility paired with a keen understanding of vaudeville's continuing thread in American entertainment. How does one explain "Knuck If You Buck?" Three 6 and Jon primed the moment and America was always hungry for a pop song with positive references to Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. We didn't know, so we didn't ask.

Larry June closes things out with a forgettably somnolent verse. Is he an industry plant or just a relatively unsuccessful act who made the bad decision of signing with a major label? Whatever the case, let's hope his mysterious industry backing catapults Chippass into the pages of J-14 and the walls of lusty teenagers the world over. If not, we always have the #YangGang.

POST WRITTEN ON 2/7/19

BETTER THAN THE GODFATHER III

The obscure engine of the Rap Internet likes to get its rocks off playin power broker with the destinies of our favorite entertainers. Last year Future was fluffed to max engorgement. My guy was about to burst a blood vessel. This year it's Boosie. I can't front, Boosie been beltin them shits out like Ichiro in '04. Ya mans has enough trouble remembering to wear underwear in the morning, while Boosie turned his struggles into art. And yet as we all break out the kneepads, the work of another Baton Rouge rapper fresh offa murder rap has been ignored.

The Godfather has confessional raps, quality use of the Young Drovian multisyllabic rhyme scheme, a sample of the Godfather theme that somehow isn't super corny, and plenty o' that Baton Rougian boogie. On first listen, I assumed "My Youngin" was another NAMBLA-core ode to a rapper's young male friends, but it's actually about Chad Cain, the Cain Muzik Mafioso convicted of the charges that didn't stick to Mista Cain. The Godfather even got an erotic rap & bullshit candlewax dripper for all my lovermen out there! So for all my goons that keep they guns by the nightstand, right next to the Bible and the prophylactics, I recommend this new Mista Cain joint for thee!

QUARTER-SEASON AWARDS

We anti-Grammys, anti-Oscars, and very anti-Golden Razzies for slandering my mans Brian De Palma. But my therapist was tellin me, "Yo, you need to be more positive." I said, "A'ight doc, Ima be more positive, but can it involve rap music?" He says, "That's that monomania we was talkin about, bruh." I jumped up and did a bell kick off the couch. "Thanks for curing me, duke. I know what I gotta do now. Quarter-season awards on RAP MUSIC HYSTERIA!" I skipped down the stairwell, looking back toward his office as I vacated the building. I could hear him ripping his hair out the follicle. From sheer joy, I imagine!

A$AP ROCKY AWARD: KAMAIYAH!



Like Rocky with LiveLoveA$AP, Kamaiyah dropped a very good pop-rap album after seducing the press in record time. LiveLoveA$AP and A Good Night In The Ghetto are softened versions of regional sounds, helmed by able and essentially inoffensive rappers with marketable qualities. The difference is that Kamaiyah has a lot more potential than Rocky ever did. She's a better rapper, her songs are better, her hooks are bigger, and it doesn't appear that she has a Yams in her ear svengaling dat ass like Frank Farian did Rob & Fab. Most importantly, she won't need a 2Chainz and Drake-infused pork barrel to get a national hit. The moves she makes in the coming year will determine whether she has a fruitful music-making career, or becomes a glorified jeans ad who occasionally raps.

TRINIDAD JAMES AWARD: LIL YACHTY!

Like Trinidad James before him, Lil Yachty blew up off a catchy song that was controversial for the Is he or isn't he? mental retardation games it played, an ambiguity that only deepened upon discovering the artist's questionable choices of wardrobe and accoutrements. Except Trinidad James had a genuine hit where Yachty only has the attention of bloggers and Twitter buzzards, who see him as a symbol or sideshow or something. I must admit, I was eatin pork and rinds with a bitch from New York Times / I don't eat no pork and rinds but that bitch was mighty fine, is a great couplet with subtle old-school simplicity, but it ain't quite Pop a molly I'm sweatin! (Woo!). Best case scenario: next Soulja Boy. Neutral case: wins a Grammy in 2020 for lending a line to Ed Sheeran. Worst case: becomes a protege of Jello Biafra.

HERMAN MELVILLE "YOU DON'T DESERVE ME" AWARD: BOOSIE!

OK, so back in the day Herman Melville wrote some adventure books that were pretty popular. He's sellin alright and whatever, so he decides to drop a big sprawling work called Moby Dick on everyone's head. The critics and public is just like, "Nah, hold that." He stops writing altogether and deprives the world of his precious musings on whales. This is basically the indignity Boosie has suffered in 2016 with his dense, uneven, occasionally brilliant trio of releases. They are mostly not fun, he is old, and they don't really fit any of the day's talking points. Here's hoping Boosie doesn't retreat from rap into the life of a government clerk, but if he does: It was all of our fault! Counting down till someone resuscitates that obnoxious LISTEN TO GHOSTFACE shirt for Boosie.

THE GHOST OF POSTRACIAL AMERICA MEMORIAL AWARD: EZALE AND DENZEL CURRY!

We got Ezale droppin N-bombs like it's nathan. Denzel Curry has a song called "Gook" with the unparsable lyric I'm a gook! See me growing out my hair cause I look like the nigga from Roots. This is what thinkpiece writers was dreamin about during Obama's first term!

YG OR DB? AWARD: MOZZY!

Mozzy is getting wild overexposed in certain quarters of the Rap Internet, and this blog is as guilty as anyone in that department. This puts him in roughly the same place as DB Tha General was a while back, except Mozzy is already more popular nationally than DB ever was. His pop instincts are sharper, though it's hard to imagine someone as raw as Mozzy having mainstream hits like DB's California Livin compadre YG. Ya boy's in the kitchen poppin Orville Redenbachers, waiting to see how this shit goes down.

BLOGGER O' DA MONTH: ANU!





Big up to tha gah for uploading Stresmatic's 1-2 punch of "The Joog" and "The Lick" off the quality Matic LP. Bigger ups for making it through Kap G's new tape and finding "Southside," because I had already shut it off by then. Kap G: hardest Mexican rapper since SPM went to his last sleepover!

PEN & PIXEL ART SCOPED THRU ROSE-TINTED STUNNA SHADES

BILL COSBY INNOCENT !!!!!!!!!! - Kanye West

They say Bill Cosby rapin' people / Not the Jell-O man! - Boosie Badazz

In spite of the premise that rap forgets its history, the genre increasingly shows reverence for its past in the form of Cash Money (and No Limit) homages. The shortlist: Bankroll Fresh's "Hot Boy," Nef The Pharoah's "Big Tymin," Jacquees's "Like Baby," "Get It How U Live" by Zoe Realla & Baton Rouge's freshmen class*, and 23.7% of Lil B's catalog. Future retooled "Ha" on Beast Mode. Kodak Black owes outstanding debt to the estates of Juvenile and Soulja Slim. This month Boosie threw his rag in the ring with "BG Shit," while Shady Nate and Lil Blood flip "400 Degreez" on the Bitches On Dope collaboration. Both are somewhat easier to explain than some of the trend's more mystical entrants. Bitches on Dope is a collection of new takes on old standards, and BG is Boosie's peer, roughly—a real person, not a play-actor in a multimedia Southern rap ideal. Trickles in a groundswell, maybe, but what does it all mean?

A pinkied-up treatise on nostalgia is not hip-hop, so we ain't about to prance down that lane. Suffice it to say that while nostalgia is a trap, it's a shot of Botox that not every moment in time enjoys. It might devour songs good and bad, but it doesn't happen without reason and cause. The Cash Money homages wouldn't exist if they didn't satisfy a common demand. Kanye West, a man obsessed with his own place in history, borrows the ándale and E.I. from Nelly's 2000 hit on "30 Hours"—a campy tip o' the hat in a song engaging directly with the past. It's a blatant act of Millenial pandering from the guy who invented Millenials, and one not likely to take root as anything more than another ironic swatch in the great Post Malone patchwork. In 2016, Cash Money is cool and Nelly is not, except maybe in some inverted way. Yet Nelly was more popular than any Cash Money artist, and the "E.I." and "Hot In Herre" callbacks will inspire winces of recognition from everyone who had them play soundtrack to the erectile mishaps of 7th grade slow dances. Which begs the question: is nostalgia more about self-love or self-loathing, or does it operate on a sliding scale?

All these Cash Money homages, and Meek Mill still won't release the unabridged "Ha." Ya boy still tryna process The Life Of Pablo over the din of a thousand white bloggers typing with reckless fury. For a son of College Dropout, there's no exercise in nostalgia like wallowing in an album where levels of Old and New Kanye fluctuate like the balance of urine and water in a kiddie-pool. Sustained by the search for truth and a big box of porn, this is RAP MUSIC HYSTERIA! signing off from the darkest corner of your public library.

* Credit: Hotbox

BOOSEPRINT 2: ELECTRIC BOOSALOO

I tend to resort to metaphors cause sometimes the world is too terrifying to face directly.  So strap on your goggles if ya retinas burn easy: Touch Down is Boosie's Scent Of A Woman, a decent work from a great artist receiving exaggerated plaudits from people desperately flagging down a departed boat.   Death Row was his Blueprint, and this is his Black Album -- same formula, diminished returns. Here's what's next:

1. Boosie records a song about swivel chairs with Mumford & Sons.

2. Gets into art, performs anal rendition of Interior Scroll at Baton Rouge gallery for "Schneemann Baby" video.

3. Relaunches Ask Jeeves to compete with Google, holds celebratory press conference attended by luminaries of Louisiana rap. C-Loc appears wearing Daft Punk helmet tailored for large heads; all living and free members of 504 Boyz sign contract while inside tank from "Make Em Say Uhh" video; FrankieThaLuckyDog and DJ B-Real finally make peace, remuneration and unblocking on social media follow.

4. Writes tie-in album inspired by scenes from Ant-Man.

5. Drops "D.O.S.," humorless screed against the sausage movement. Sausage movement persists.

6. Releases Collision Course inspired crossover album with Ronnie Radke.

7. Collaborates with Bonz Malone on Decoded style book written in such intense vernacular it rivals the most inscrutable passages of Hurston and Faulkner.

8. Finds his name used as currency for candidates trying to gain the youth vote. "We freed Boosie," boasts a shmoney-dancing Hillary Clinton at a Brooklyn rally, "And we'll free GS-9!" Ted Cruz clarifies comment on post-9/11 conversion to country music: "I also bumped a lot of Boosie, shed many tears."

9. Buys stake in New Jersey Devils, moves team to Baton Rouge.

10. Records 10-minute dis against Javale McGee.

11. Samples Tad's "Grease Box" on song bemoaning perils of fame, taps Nick Jonas for chorus.

12. Performs on MTV Unplugged special wearing shirt made of recycled dorm-room Che Guevara posters.

13. As Ask Jeeves reboot stiffs, stages concert performing songs not available through Google Video.  Attended mainly by industry shills.

14. Wears jeans with sandals.

15. Releases Ghetto Stories 2 with Webbie.  All is forgiven.

BOOSIE IS THE NEW "REAL HIP-HOP," THIS IS NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD

 While y'all criticizin my name, I'm on a camel in Dubai

Boosie been on his Diary shit since freedom rang (God bless tha dead n America, ya feel?).  You imagine ya mans traipsing through a graveyard in the rain, holding a black umbrella high as he gets mad introspective wit it, contemplating love and loss, demons within, the sum total of pain in this world.  This is great stuff and I love it to def, but it also signals a conscious shift toward Serious Artistry, the same kinda deliberate legacy-making that motivates Kendrick and Jay's misguided pandering to the Rolling Stone set.  Fortunately, Boosie don't give a shit about making next month's Fricke's Picks, but don't get it twisted: he makin album-oriented music for southern rap classicists.  Somewhere during his incarceration, Boosie went from one of the more divisive voices in rap to a paragon of old rules integrity, a role solidified on the near-perfect Life After Deathrow.  Consider the packaging alone for Touchdown 2 Cause Hell and Superbad.  The former puts him in the pantheon of brooding artists, too plagued by life's ills to wear a shirt, along with Pac and X; the latter is a goofy rapper showing off an absurd chain and a pinky ring.

The concept of a radio hit feels dated, but there are at least four demographics who still listen to the radio, covering a wider swath than you would think: construction workers, poor people, normal people, commuters stuck in traffic. I'm not sure if "All I Know" will be the single for Touchdown 2 Cause Hell, but it seems to be doing well on the Internet.  While it would be a welcome challenge to Drake's terrifying Clear Channel monopoly, "All I Know" is proof positive of Boosie's assimilation into the conventional rap world: Kane Beatz at the helm, R&B cooing on the chorus.  "Zoom" was like a transmission from an alternate reality when it came out, a B-movie mutant-insect screeching over a symphony of crickets.  I didn't like it at first, but Boosie had my full attention after that.  For all intents and purposes, the raunchy regional identity and tossed-off levity of earlier Boosie are gone, replaced by a determination to etch his name up there with the greats.  I am glad he exists.  No one who has his level of ambition is making better music.  Still, sometimes an artist is most dynamic in the ugly act of becoming.

TOUCHDOWN 2 CAUSE HELL DROPS MAY 26, GO COP THAT SHIT YA FEEL!  SUPPORT REAL HIP-HOP, NONE OF THESE FETID WOPS OR RICH THA HOMIE KWONY MAY CASHOUTS!

LET US REMEMBER: LIL BOOSIE

 

Sup hoodrats?  It's ya boy, back in the building.  As any hip-hop head worth his salted peanuts knows, da god LIL BOOSIE is currently incarcerated on some bullshit.  But yo, even though he look like a lil adorable goblin, homie could spit with the fluidity.

Peep him goin wile in this clip.  Guest appearances by an incapacitated lookin' goon and some goofy-ass randoms at the end.

And please, pray for Boosie.  He is very little and, as you can see in these clips, has a joyous and childlike smile.  I truly fear for the state of his butthole.