WHEN YA TROLLIN BACKFIRE

Wassup y'all, can't say much about my long sabbatical from the rap 'nets, but let's just say I was taking a lot of hallucinogenic colonics and practicing my alphabetical genital glides. Can't be more pacific than that, so let's just move on to the rap and forget I ever wrote that sentence.

Aight, I took an internship with a certain M--o Y., who recently set up shop in Miami. The boy put me on to books by Thomas Sowell, and I started questioning the whole ethics of this rap thing. I wore Dockers and topsiders, ranted about thug culture unbidden, jerked off into piles of FBI crime statistics. But I was walking down the street when I heard this fuckin sphincter-rattlin' sound.

"Who that?" I asked the young mocha-colored hombre. His skin was like coffee and chocolate and cinnamon and burnt umber. Felt like painting the mothafucka in a loincloth, ya feel me? Had that Gauguin boner 4 real (no homo).

"Boy, stop. You know that's Lil Xan."

Suddenly I loved rap again! Went back and checked up on my old pal DB Tha General. He got a new project out, something about being the king of Oakland and the crown weighing heavy. I can't swap out this window, chief, I gotta let the words flow. It's pretty good if you like DB - who, lez be real, created both the Mozzy and SOBxRBE lanes now dominating the Bay (I mean, I think - I been dabbling in erotic facepainting for the past half a year) - but there's one song called "You A Fag." The chorus goes, "Bitch, you a fag!" I thought that was pretty funny, so I sent it to my potna.

"Lol check this out man shit's deep."

Only my Google search ended up linking me to a completely different song!  Lol, trolled. The song ended up being great and I looked stupid. Turns out David Drake even wrote about it back in the day, comparing Husalah's raps to Ghost and Rae. Yeah, I hear that Double D! Husalah kills DB on his own shit, but who really won the war? I'd rather listen to current DB than 2018 Husalah on his best day. That being said, I've spent the past few moons lab-testing priapic Listerine strips, so what's my opinion worth?

I'm gettin old, y'all. I don't wanna hear about the drugs you took or the chicks you dicked. I wanna hear about your pain, bruh. I wanna hear about your struggle. There is no hope, there's only us!

A CHAMBER IS THE MOST HIP-HOP OF ALL LIVING QUARTERS!

Back in '09 or thereabouts, DB Tha General's name had the same currency Mozzy's enjoys today. Even if it meant fuck all to most rap listeners, a small but enthusiastic group of aficionados swung defiantly from the curly tendrils of DB's bozack. And they was right! But shit never popped, as happens so often, and the highlight of DB's 2015 was playin the beef 'n' broc to YG's sesame chicken and Blanco's fried rice on the Panda Express combo order that was California Livin.

Come to find out DB just dropped a video for a song called "Gas Chamber," which sounds extremely hip-hop. U know the chamber has a long and storied history in the rap game, cause it sounds like some kind of mystical intellectual rhymespace, and also it is part of a gun. Yeah I was expecting something hip-hop, but I didn't expect the General to spit bars like he on a Clue tape in '97! Ya boy is a stan for culinary details in rap songs, so of course I threw my chef hat at tha ceiling when DB justifies past BNEs cause he was tired of oatmeal and cream of wheat. Even Earl Manigault gets some love. In my humble opinion, the video should have been ALL green screen, cause really you can't beat the Xavier: Renegade Angel absurdity of the CGI desert and Texaco pumps, the random ogre walking thru the frame at the 1:16 mark, or tha Lil Fame lookin MF materializing in front of the DB Tha General gas station and makin googly eyes at the camera.

ERIC VON ZIPPER MUSIC

After reveling in Death Row cliches for a decade and some change, it's refreshing to see a new crop of L.A. rappers discover there's more to rap than street-life brooding and ritualized death.  Nuff respect to tha Row, but their effect on L.A. rap was tantamount to Rollins replacing Dez - all bathos and angst at the expense of fun.

Like the generations of writers damaged by Chandler's vision of L.A. as paradise of the damned, the Death Row babies reproduced a narrow definition and ran it into the ground.  The California of my mind is not merely somber or orthodox.  It's also driving down the PCU smokin some of that loud, just lettin the wind blow thru ya perm as ya oculars drink in the Pacific blue.  All that Katy Perry, and Beach Blanket Bingo, and "I wish they all could be California girls" shit.  There's more to life than Dickies and hydraulics.

Word is YG's cookin up a whole EP with Blanco and the Rap Blog MVP of 2009, DB Tha General, on some unionized "One California" shit. They two for two so far with the breezy summer jams.  DB spreads himself across the track like Bizzy Bone chanelling Rammellzee.   Fiend takes the Nate Dogg role.  AV kick a nice lil verse, and Blanco is at least relatively unobtrusive.  Some might say that five dudes on one song is a sausagefest.  Yet what is a sausagefest but a gangsta party by a different name?  Yo Fiend, bring the crawfish!

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