WHEN I B ON THA RAPID REALTY LISTINGS

Not to beat a dead horse, but to beat a dead horse, New York City is beat, not unlike a horse that is not living, a horse without pulse, a horse in cell decay - a dead horse. Blame Giuliani, blame David Schwimmer, blame third-way neoliberalism, but the shit is just fucked these days. Walk up Nostrand between Fulton and Flushing and you'll be traversing Maino territory, but it's more like walking down the yarn aisle at Michaels. You'll see as many clogs as Tims. It is what it is.

I been following the degradation of the bodega for a while. I'm sorta like a scholar.

"But mine is doing well!" you say. "They just remodeled and got some flatscreen TVs!"

Pish posh, MF. That shit'll be sold when the property value hits eight figures. Ask mom and pop about the East Village the next time you're at brunch.

But I digress. High on bath salts one poetic night, I passed the RAKIM _ 1997 _SOLO argument through the YouTube search function and viewed the "When I B On Tha Mic" video. Those '90s Rakim solo albums are a tombstone for something, but that's another post. In this video, Rakim and friends are gesticulating and lip-syncing in front of Nostrand Mini Market. I can't verify this, because the Google StreetView for 110 Nostrand Ave. shows a property bordering a parking garage, whereas the bodega in the video appears to be on a street corner, but the Yelp for Nostrand Mini Market sports this as its emblematic image: 

Is it a victory? Giuliani sacrificed children so bike messenger types could ride through Bed Stuy with impunity. But if I was head honcho? This fuck would be wearing a fitted MLB cap, jeans the size of air ducts, and a mustard pair of Tims. The bag would not exist, the coat would be Carhartt or North Face, and he would be putting up a Long Island crew in the most deserted back alley.

INTRODUCING THE NOTORIOUS PHD!!!

 

So yo, if there's one thing you could fault RAP MUSIC HYSTERIA wit (and I'm not sure you can), it's that we occasionally fail to give exposure to new artists.  The payola money we get from Viacom is just too compelling sometimes, and we ain't got time for you Bandcamp rappers who can't even hook us up with an Arby's Jr. Roast Beef Sandwich.

But yo, the other day I heard dis underground artist who made me flip my lid.  IDK bout y'all, but I'm sick of all these rappers talkin bout "bitch this" and "N-word that."  It's time we took it back to da Golden Era, when real MCs talked about real shit.   Dat's why I was so pleased to discover NOTORIOUS PHD.  First of all, he an OG New Yorker comin straight outta BK, now reppin da BX Boro as a Fordham University Professor of African-American studies.  He even an original member of THE WEATHERMEN but left cause he thought AESOP ROCK was an emo art hoe too far removed from that '88 boom-bamp he so loved.

 

Skip to @2:22 to hear my man NOTORIOUS PHD absolutely shit on the kinda gentrification I addressed in my post on A$AP ROCKY, Harlem, and a yuppie in a purple shirt, all delivered in the smoothest flow I heard since, well, SMOOTH B.  He even got a brotha doin beatbox so this shit be sittin sturdy on mad pillars of hip-hop (MCing, beatboxing, graffiti on his tshirt, and I bet if my homie was 40 years younger he'd even break out some fresh b-boy moves)!  Unfortunately there's a guy on his left just shakin his head and doin nothin and doin nothin is not hip-hop so I gotta dock -10 hip-hop points.

 

But yo, check it out!  Here he goin straight a capella, no DJ or nothin, on a dis track aimed at trickle-down economics!  +20 rap music points!   So yo, if you lookin for some ill political hip-hop and think KRS-ONE fell off or IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE isn't real enough, check out my mans NOTORIOUS PHD.  Shit is funky fresh and has a message.

PURPLE SHIRTED YUPPIE IN A$AP'S "PESO" VIDEO: A SYMBOL FOR DA GENTRIFICATION OF HIP-HOP OR MERELY HILARIOUS?

FIGURE I

So yo, I was watching dat A$AP ROCKY "Peso" video da other day, tryna remember who made dem bone shoes in the video.  I was invited to a very high society wedding and wanna ensure I'm not gonna embarrass myself with some bum-ass gear, you feel?

As I was watchin, I paused to read dis cat's tshirt ("OUR TAXES PAY 4 COPS WHO PROTECT BANKING ELITES BOYCOTT FEDERAL RESERVE" - dat's some convoluted shit, bruh bruh).  After digesting dat white-T agitprop, I noticed a curious figure in da background.  In the midst of A$AP's "mobbin with the crew" moment, a staple of da NYC rap video, one notices a chubby white dude in a swagless outfit consisting of a purple shirt, khaki shorts and I dunno, probably dem clunky-ass New Balances.  He even got a bitchass totebag or some shit slung over his shoulder, probably from Whole Foods or some wack wine store that don't even sell Mad Dog 20/20.  Typical NYC yuppie.  Wasn't there an editor who could've ixnayed this simp?

Now we all know A$AP ain't exactly the most thugged-out cat on the block, but does this not in itself reflect the gentrification of his native city?  I means, take a look at a MOBB DEEP or JAY-Z or WU-TANG or BLACK MOON video that features mobbin shots.  Ain't no white yuppies accidentally steppin in the frame!

FIGURES II & III
 

Now these two images is, respectively, from M.O.P.'s "Ante Up" video and GROUP HOME's "Supa Star" video, precursors to the mobbin-in-front-of-da-bodega trope that A$AP's "Peso" continues.  These dudes look hard (no homo) - good heavens, da cat on the right in the GROUP HOME video is in the act of drinking a 40 oz. of malt liquor! - and contextually, it's hard to imagine they would let a NPR-listening poindexter pass without some form of rude commentary and/or public humiliation.

What's the basis for this change?  Does NYC's gentrification coincide with NYC hip-hop's own cultural gentrification?  A$AP occasionally raps about some street shit, but it's usually half-hearted and unconvincing.  His thematic focuses are swag, fashion, and exploring the multi-layered Pretty Motherfucker persona.  All da aforementioned '90/early-'00s rappers were decidedly on some street shit; fashion for them was limited to KARL KANI or FUBU.  Is this shift in subject matter rooted in da gentrification of the artist's surroundings?  Is it a sign of racial progress that soft white cats can stroll breezily through a Harlem video shoot and not be hassled by a young black rapper and his posse?  Was the purple shirt dude in FIGURE I actually gettin heckled but blocked it out by listening to his IRA GLASS podcast?  And where was the video editor for all of this?

IDK.  The world is changing.  There are ski slopes here in Jackson Hole that I wouldn't have dared sully my Salomons with just a few years ago - now I can shred the gnar without having to clutch my purse close or look over my back.  CHUUUUCH!