"EPIC" FAILURE: RAP METAL APPENDIX

"Yo, Lars, I'm feelin' a little silly, my magistrate."

"Wherefore, sondula?"

"I was bumpin Faith No More's "Epic" not one month ago without realizing it was sampled on Koopsta Knicca's 'Stash Pot' remix."

"'IT'S CRYIN / BLEEDIN / LYIN ON THE FLOOR'?"

"Nah, DJ Paul looped the piano passage on the outro."

"That shit sound hainted.  Like, zoinks."

"Couldn't quite place it.  Thought it was some of that spooky Reznor shit.  He so crazy.  I saw a video once where he and David Blaine cut off their hands and went to a taxidermist and threw their stuffed hands in a fish tank.  It was très Brooklyn."

"Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson recorded an album with Jay-Z and R Kelly called Best Of Both Worlds Within One Universe On A Collision Course With The Best Of Both Worlds Within A Separate Universe (Wherein Either Universe Is Intelligible To The Other).  It is locked in a vault next to the print for The Day The Clown Cried."

"..."

"You know, Paul & Koopsta sampled my band, Metallica, on 'Torture Chamber.'  They sampled the sitar intro from 'Wherever I May Roam,' which appeared on The Black Album, our 1991 album produced by Bob Rock.  Paul called me up and asked for sample clearance.  I says to Paul, 'Of course, brah. You know I'm bout this open content shit.'  That's word to Lessig."

"'Mystical styles of the ancient mutilations / Torture chambers filled with corpses in my basement.'"

"Sometimes I think being in Metallica is my torture chamber." :/

IS RAP MUSIC RELEVANT TO MY JUICE HEAD LIFESTYLE?

SO YO!

Everyone who knows me knows I'm an enormous juice head.  Raging.  There's nothing more I like than taking a shot of testosterone to the dome and working out my deltoids, my quadriceps, perhaps my serratus anterior or some such vanity muscle.

But when it comes down to it?  Hip-hop is terrible for pumping that 'ron, the Fe if you fancy huh.  Why?  I dunno.  Maybe it's the fact that so much of it is weed driven.  The most cursory example: I been listenin to PROJECT PAT as I pondered this question and remembered to exert my "critical faculty" (I was drunk and high) on the song "Ridin on Chrome."

I thought, "Yo, maybe I could listen to this when I'm riding all reckless on the slopes of Jackson Hole.  But at da end of the day?  Nah.  I can listen to some WAKA (any LEX LUGER beat, really), maybe MEEK, some LIL B, probably a lil more when I'm gettin my fitness on, but overall nothin be makin me hit the elusive area known as "the douchebag's reverie."

What get me hype?  All da dope jams.  Nah mean?