WAX ON WAX OFF, LIL KODAK!

The world loves Kodak Black. I ain't mad. Hearing "No Flockin" on the radio is a smoke signal of salvation amidst the wall-to-wall Aubreyfest. This generation of rap needs its folk hero; the "FREE _____" tshirt industry needs its golden goose.

And unlike so many young Internet sensations, Kodak has that X-factor that make the Ed McMahons say "Aye!" Paired with Plies, however, it becomes clear that Daniel-san can still stand to peep game from Mr. Miyagi. Although Kodak holds his own, let's postpone the anointment until he authors his own Sweet Pwussy Satday. The voice and presence of Plies are not to be underestimated—gifts from the Rap Gods not yet understood by a gaping public.

What happens when Kodak is no longer a media darling? Here's hoping he does like Plies and makes music for people with Flamin' Hot Cheeto dust on their fingers. Ain't No Mixtape Bih 2 out now!

A JOKE WITH THE PUNCHLINE "SUP PLIES?"

Plies will never be a critic's darling, but he has something infinitely more valuable: co-signs from Star and Lord Jamar. Although often painted as a homophobe, L.J. didn't seem to mind when Star got handsy after Vlad plied em with orange juice and vodka like a creepy upperclassman.

Anywho, Plies test-drives some Jahlil Beats on Ain't No Mixtape Bih, but them shits is like ascots and cravats: great if you can pull em off, but they ain't for everybody. The best songs are produced by Shawn T. "I Got It" is G-funk meets Miami Vice - one hand on the strap, the other on my Keytar.  Plies rides the wave with goon exuberance, cause this one's for the ignorant MFs riding Sea Doos into bridges (apologies to Sean Kingston).

Apropos of nothing, Plies could have had a second career as a horror movie villain if 40 Glocc had successfully kicked down the mens room door. It's the end of the movie. Our protagonist is in bed, finally safe. They never found Plies's body, but surely nothing could have survived that kind of immolation...Or could it? He blows out the candle and closes his eyes when he hears a voice braying against the silence: "Pussy ass..."