KODAK GRAY

Honestly couldn't be mo bored w/ Kodak Black these days, and it has nothing to do with the particle-displacing memeification he underwent. As a meme artist, he is up there with Plies, who is up there with Gucci, who is up there with Cam'Ron. That's a talent of some sort.

I don't care that he got fat either, although I think that sets a poor example for the youth who are our future. The problem is that he can barely carry a song on his own, much less an album. Hate to use such a loaded term, but the guy is low energy. He sounds like this Pokemon when he's rapping. On any of his mixtapes, you get maybe two or three good songs. The rest is anemic 'Nolia LARPing and the sub-Pacian moping of a Kevin Gates or Eminem.

Jackboy is some fat kid who is friends with Kodak. He has slightly more energy than Kodak Black, but what I'm really feelin is the ill marimbas. Steel drums and marimbas, let's take 2017 back to the Whole Foods checkout line. Jackboy also earns points for a sloppy Wayne Wonder remake, which is actually way better than it should be. CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH

WAX ON WAX OFF, LIL KODAK!

The world loves Kodak Black. I ain't mad. Hearing "No Flockin" on the radio is a smoke signal of salvation amidst the wall-to-wall Aubreyfest. This generation of rap needs its folk hero; the "FREE _____" tshirt industry needs its golden goose.

And unlike so many young Internet sensations, Kodak has that X-factor that make the Ed McMahons say "Aye!" Paired with Plies, however, it becomes clear that Daniel-san can still stand to peep game from Mr. Miyagi. Although Kodak holds his own, let's postpone the anointment until he authors his own Sweet Pwussy Satday. The voice and presence of Plies are not to be underestimated—gifts from the Rap Gods not yet understood by a gaping public.

What happens when Kodak is no longer a media darling? Here's hoping he does like Plies and makes music for people with Flamin' Hot Cheeto dust on their fingers. Ain't No Mixtape Bih 2 out now!

SMOKE TILL MY EYES DEVELOP EPICANTHAL FOLDS

As far as media representations go, AZNs been takin it on the nose for a long time. The Mickster rocked yellowface so egregiously in Breakfast At Tiffany's ya boy was spittin out his egg roll. More recently, Long Duk Dong became the Stepin Fetchit of '80s teen flicks, while Matthew Moy is somehow allowed to continue mincing and jiving on the Goebbelsian laffer Two Broke Girls.

Then again, Tom Cruise got to be The Last Samurai, so maybe dubious acknowledgements are better than no mention at all. Rap has its fair share. We all know about "Black Korea," and Bun B's unsatisfactory transaction with a store clerk of Chinese origin. Buzzfeed recently did a list, but the choices were tame and entry level. As good as the Ego Trip list is, it's time for an update. Here are some of my personal favorites.

"THE HOOD" - DRAG-ON, ET AL. (1999)
You know how may chinks and Jews / Drag done dragged out / On a cash route?

In addition to resuscitating the spirit of Charlie Chan for the Great Yellow Hope's "Learn Chinese," Ruff Ryders allowed Drag-On to rap about murdering "chinks and Jews" on their first comp. You were dragging out Chinese-Americans on a cash route, Drag-On.

"COLD COLD CAPPER, PART 4" - MAC DRE & COOLIO DA' UNDA' DOGG (1994?)
You half breed, Korean and black / Is your mom in the kitchen cookin dog and cat?

"Cold Cold Capper, Pt. 4" deserves laurels in at least three categories. Not just a great "Genius Of Love" flip, it also features some of the most vicious and most racist lines ever committed to wax. In the same breath that Mac Drevious refers to Bruce's Korean mom as a chink, he speculates that she was knocked up by a hit-and-run serviceman in the Vietnam War. Thomas Dolby blinded y'all with science, Mac Dre disrespected Bruce with geography. The Chosin Reservoir of rap disses.

"DISCOMBOBULATORBUBALATOR" - MC BREEZE (1986) 
He said, "Oh my Buddha, I apologize!" / Tears were coming from the Chinese eyes / I said, "Look you chink, your damn food stink..."

The classic. Breeze is meticulous with the stereotypes, but it's his screeching Chinaman impression that really stops the show. You'd be offended if you could stop ya ass from shaking. Racism never sounded so funky!

"SKRILLA" - KODAK BLACK (2014)
And my diamonds come from Tokyo / Yoi yoi yoi / Power high (?) come from Tokyo / I call em Ching Choi

"Skrilla" is "Cold Cold Capper" without the teeth. In the span of two bars, Kodak confuses three distinct nationalities. Gotta take off my coolie hat for that kind of absurdist racial insensitivity.

"DIRTY WORLD" - HOT BOYS (1997)
Them bitches got a nigga trapped / They ain't givin us shit / But they'll give it to them Japs / They buy property and don't even pay no tax

Juvie's point on the lack of black-owned business in predominantly black neighborhoods is valid. His statistics are not. Because the Census website is a nightmare of bureaucratic incompetence, I'll have to work with a data set on minority-owned business from 1997 against data from the 2000 Census. In 2000, African-Americans accounted for 67.9% (329,171) of New Orleans's population, whereas Asians made up 2.5% (12,212). On the breakdown, the Census switches its number to 10,972 Asians; Vietnamese were the majority (7,118, or 1.5% of total population), Japanese the minority (283, .01% total pop).

In 1997, New Orleans had a total of 98,166 businesses; 17,777 were minority-owned. There were 9,747 black-owned businesses compared to 3,210 owned by Asians. Of those, Vietnamese owned the vast majority (1,757) compared to 64 in Japanese hands. It is statistically improbable that Japs were benefiting from preferential mortgages and loans to any appreciable extent.

Notwithstanding its cultural imprecision, Juvenile's criticism checks out. At the turn of the century, New Orleans was overwhelmingly black, yet black-owned businesses accounted for less than 10% of all businesses. Relative to their population, Asians - primarily Vietnamese - wielded disproportionate economic power. At the end of the day, however, it was white people killin the game on some Mafia shit. Don't know if Japs were living tax free, but somehow I doubt it.  Although back-owned businesses increased to 28.9% of the total market by 2007, the stats remain skewed - less reflective of social progress, perhaps, than the economic devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina.

This post been borought you to by Texaco. Texaco: we ain't THAT racist no more! FIolow me onTwitter hoes

HOT TAKES IN HERRE

Been liking this hot-take formula even tho the words "hot take" sound disgusting together.  Here are four of my hottest, steamiest takes.

KODAK BLACK - FOR THE FAME
There are only two careers where stints in juvie look good on the resume: prisoner and rapper.  Kodak Black's knack for raps and incarceration suggests he will end up as at least one of the two.  IDK, maybe he is a mathlete or candystriper in his free time, but somehow I doubt it.  The game been missin a steak-and-potatoes reality rapper since Boosie went semi-Recovery on Touchdown, and Kodak seems to be auditioning for the role.  In this instance, his vocals are pitched so high his screech is more munchkin than Boosiean.  If nothing else, a teenager who namechecks Soulja Slim and Gunplay is on the right path.

NINO MAN & JADAKISS - ROAD TRIP
New York rap has been out of style for so long that New York rappers now get the same instinctive scorn Southern rappers got until '05 (at least).  Everyone likes hating New York rap more than they actually hate it.

Stop the hate.  "Road Trip" is oatmeal for the ears.

JIDENNA & KENDRICK LAMAR - CLASSIC MAN (REMIX)
Will the Kendrick bump finally allow "Classic Man" to become the hit it deserves to be?  Hearing K-Dot vamp on something besides rank body odor jazzbar pap is a bitter reminder of the rapper he was before his worst Baduistic tendencies took the reins.

SKEME & THE GAME - FIND OUT
Best song on Ingleworld 2 after "36 Oz."  Now that gay marriage is in the bag, maybe we can direct our energy to getting this Game verse stricken from the record.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT TRAP!

No matter how many boxes of rap music I get my hands on, it's never enough.  Acquisition is da name of the game, cause even tho my skreet name is Lil' 1/2 Broke, ya boy is resigned to this capitalism shit.  And though there's plenty of quality products out in tha digital bazaar, enduring the hundredth joyless 3rd gen trap "banger" leaves me wanting more.  I'm a sex tourist cruisin Tangiers or the 'Kok, trying to scratch a primal itch that always ends up intensified.

So ya boy goes down the dark alley of SoundCloud, just as hit and miss as the established channels but at least carrying the promise of "potential" and "upside" -- penny stock prospectin.  If it ain't generic trap shit, the young'ns of today bite Herb or Durk.  But the kids don't care.  It's a whole 'nother world out there, far beyond the arbitrary rules and idol-making of the Rap Internet complex.  We got 16 year olds blowin' up on the 'Cloud, but you wouldn't know that if you ain't skulkin the halls of your local high schools.  Real grassroots shit, ya feel?

Kodak Black is one such character.   He like 17 years old or some shit, a kid from the Pompano PJs building a rep as a fuck-up folk hero thru multiple stints in juvenile hell.  There's the marketing hook.  Part of Chief Keef's initial draw was his hopeless condition, the promise that his belligerence was "authentic" via poverty.  As the intro of his Passion of the Weiss interview sez, Kodak is "a distillation of hundreds of years of American history, an embodiment of the complexities of a country locked in an endless struggle with race and class."  Huh?  Don't know nothin about that, but his raps hittin all the right references for this aging Blogman: Gucci, Boosie, Cash Money.