Friday, November 30, 2012
"I like listening to RICK ROSS on the way to my minimum wage job. It provides me with the motivation necessary to chase that paper; to swallow my pride for another day and suffer the thinly veiled condescension of the leisure class sucklin pon da fat o' the land."
That's what some phag said to me the other day. I nodded my head in assent, but really I was thinkin, "Dawg, you take shit way too seriously!" I be listening to RICK ROSS in the same way I like watching a fucking STEVEN SEGAL movie or some shit. It's the kind of overwrought fantasy that momentarily allows us to escape the hideous boredom of the quotidian grind. And fo sho we laughin at ROZAY just as much as we clownin on SEGAL fo his bufoonery!
But yo, errytime a new RICKY album comes out I be thinkin, "Damn he done come out with another classic! ROSS got that MICHAEL BAY swag! Lush cinematics! Rap game SIDNEY LUMET!" But the euphoria of a new installment in neon candy-dipped ROZAY land - a land of opulent freeway overpasses, strip clubs sticky with spilled champagne, and many many XXXL Hanes white tees - is as temporary and fleeting as the high from ROZAY'S favorite subject matter (cocaine [btw]). Hits hard and quick. And is there anything wrong with that? I dunno. I be snorting mad lines of yayo, so I says yes.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Damn doggie, it been a minute ain't it? I'm not gonna lie. To paraphrase Stephen A. Smith, "Quite frankly, I knocked a girl up." But it's all good now - let's not talk about it anymore. It's in the past.
Yo, I know this a rap blog and all, but I'm also a journalist, and I be holdin' da media to standards of practice and shit. I always be seeing mistakes and shit in so-called reputable publications, and when I see dat, I be like, "That's the shit I don't like."
Some of you flowerpot heads might have seent in the news that ANDREW W.K. was tapped as a cultural ambassador to Bahrain (dunno where that is, but I bet it is a shitty place). Then like the fuckboys they is, the US State Department rescinded da invitation! Wack shit, son. But even wacker was the NY TIMES referring to AWK as "Andrew W.K., a rapper and party-anthem rocker," whom the fuckboy State Dept rejected "after they reviewed his work." Sounds like you ain't reviewed his work yoself, homebwoy!
Like da irate media watchdawg I is, I immediately Googled tha author of this misinformation, JAMES C. MCKINLEY JR. A lil background: homie went to Cornell University, Mizzou Journo School and got some blemishes on his record (no homo). I wanted to hate tha dude, but then I saw this nutso Anti-Islamic blog that took Mr. McKinley to task. Y'all can read up on that bullshit on they website, but the crux of the matter is this: when a nutjob punk emailed McKinley a stangry response for "failing" to identify a mass-murderer as a jihadist, McKinley responded with a terse "Fuck you" - no period even! Gangsta shit! And fo that, he earnded my respect. Carry on, Mr. McKinley!