Friday, December 16, 2016

BEST OF 2016

2016 was a rough one. I got locked up; I damaged my gorgeous complexion faceplanting off a hoverboard; I saw my candidate lose on election day (we got this one next time, McMullin!). But the worst part was having to hear all these adult babies complain about what a horrible year 2016 was. RAP MUSIC HYSTERAI ain't got time 4 that breh, we smokin sherm-marinated Kools in the fifth dimension and makin space-time our Maytag upstate. Mo you complain about Jupiter bein out of wack with Neptune's moons, mo time I have to get this papyrus and stack croutons to the ceiling. Got so many croutons it's more like the salad is the croutons' croutons. We turnin main courses into garnishes, playboy.

If you ain't walkin with me you better supercharge that hoverboard and hope Doc Brown got more flux in his capacitor. Try not to fall, cause we zoomin like the autobahn with disfigured faces and pockets on gangrene. Somebody better amputate my limbs cause my pimp walk is devastating. Tell a podiatrist to call a chiropractor to talk more shit behind my back. Better patch in a proctologist while you're at it, cause my shit lookin hella drippy (no diarrhea). We took stale bread and turned those bitches into croutons. We took a useless old tree and printed a Ross Douthat column on that motherfucker. Chuuuuch.

1. Rae Sremmurd - Black Beatles (ft. Gucci Mane)*
2. Dreezy - Body (ft. Jeremih)
3. Young Thug & Travis Scott - Pick Up The Phone (ft. Quavo)
4. Ezale - Day Ones
5. Ka - Ours
6. Kap G - Southside
7. French Montana - Lockjaw (ft. Kodak Black)
8. Lud Foe - Cuttin Up
9. YG - Police Get Away Wit Murder
10. Kanye West - 30 Hours
11. Famous Dex - Geek On A Bitch
12. Stresmatic - The Joog
13. Mozzy - Beautiful Struggle
14. A-Wax - Always Something
15. Shy Glizzy - You Know What
16. Boone - Pop A Perc
17. WNC Carlos x JMM Larry x SOG Sherwood Flame - Cross Me
18. YID - Keep It On Me (ft. Lil Yee)
19. The Team - Can I
20. Chance The Rapper - No Problem (ft. 2Chainz & Lil Wayne)**
21. A Tribe Called Quest - We The People...
22. 21 Savage - No Heart
23. Spodee - Trappin Out Da Partments
24. Lil Yase - Boom Boom***
25. Mista Cain - No Shootas (ft. Spitta Bad Newz)
26. Future - Perkys Callin
27. Gensu Dean & Denmark Vessey - Racka Lamb
28. WNC Whop x WNC Carlos x WNC Ram Bam - Die Bout It
29. Nipsey Hussle - County Jail
30. Uncle Murda - Cam'Ron Voice
31. SOB x RBE - Different
32. CupcakKe - Ace Hardware
33. Spitta - Fuck It
34. Boosie Badazz - This Ain't Living (ft. VS)
35. G-Val - Fake Shit
36. Rick Ross - Buy Back The Block (ft. 2Chainz & Gucci Mane)
37. ClydeTheMack - No Love (ft. SOB x RBE, Mike Sherm, G-Bo Lean, SouthsideSu)
38. Vic Spencer - Blast Fa Me (ft. Freddie Old Soul)
39. King Lil G - Cold Christmas
40. No Panty - Iceys On Deck
41. Gucci Mane - Richest Nigga In The Room
42. Blac Youngsta - Shake Sum
43. Big Rome - Keepin It Lit (ft. Young Flacs)
44. DB Tha General - Gas Chamber
45. Gee Money - Take It There
46. Rocaine - BWB
47. C-Murder - Dear Supreme Court
48. Dre Bandz x Ty Money x JB - Mac Talk
49. A$AP Ferg - New Level (ft. Future)
50. Young M.A - OOOUUU

*Every now and then dystopian music goes pop. This was one such instance.

**At this point I heard the song so many times I actually hate it, but for about three months I was boppin along in the whip to Brothers Chainz and Wayne sounding lovely over a gospel sample. Chance got killed on his own shit in a historical capacity. Someone with editing skills needs to get his free-range-toddler temper tantrum the FOH. He's fine on the hook, but you can't come with that open-mic "Oh I'm just riffin, tryin out some new stuff" coffeeshop yodelling shit when your song features two legends. This ain't the Good Life Cafe, and your name ain't P.E.A.C.E. This ain't the hungry i, and you ain't fit to carry Mort Sahl's red v-neck jockstrap. Hold my Charleston Chew, my lil Kit Kat.

***Late 2015, but I do not care. Swap it out for "Who Is He" if you a bitch for historical accuracy like that.

Songs I liked but heard so many times i don't like em right now
Chance The Rapper - No Problem (ft. 2Chainz & Lil Wayne)
D.R.A.M. - Broccoli (ft. Lil Yachty)
Migos - Bad and Boujee (ft. Lil Uzi Vert)
The guys with Zs in their name - Juju On That Beat

Good albums
ATCQ - In A World Gone Mad...Hot Sauce Committee
Ezale - Tonite Show
Future - Purple Reign
Ka - Honor Killed The Samurai
YG - Still Brazy 

Babyface Ray & Samuel Shabazz - Pinky & Brain
Cartiyay - Favor for a Favor
Chippass - IDGAF
DJ XO - Pulled Off The Lot (ft. Rizzo & Sosamann)
Gank Gaank - Like Aye
Madeintyo - Uber Everywhere
Mike Sherm - Blue Faces
Nef The Pharoah - Michael Jackson
Sonniebo - Hella Mad

Old-timer's game
Curren$y - Fat Albert (ft. Lil Wayne)
E-40 - On One (ft. AD)
Gensu Dean - Principles & Codes (ft. Diamond D)
Old Jeezy - Let Em Know
Pusha T - Keep Dealing (ft. Beanie Sigel)
The Mekanix - I'm So Oakland (ft. The Delinquents)
Neef Buck - Game of Thrones (ft. State Property)
Rich The Factor - 24's
Suga Free - Up In Da Pocket
Z-Ro - My Money

Not rap
Alkaline - City
Almighty - Ocho
Arcangel x Bad Bunny - Tu No Vive Asi
Busy Signal - Bad Longtime
Chi Ching Ching - Nacho
Daddy Yankee - Shaky Shaky
Ding Dong - Yeng Yeng (ft. Bravo Ravers)
Harley Flanagan - Guilty Until Proven Innocent
Savage Savo - Jiggle Likkle
Shatta Wale - Kakai
Spice - Indicator
Vybz Kartel - Real Youth

Almost song 50
Some Lil Dicky shit cause fuck it. David Lee Roth once said, "Music journalists like Elvis Costello because music journalists look like Elvis Costello.” Lil Dicky gets the other side of that: critics hate him because he reminds them of the lame middle-class upbringing they want to leave behind. If you and I were to travel through time (holding hands and tying lanyards the whole way), we would see every critic who hates Lil Dicky smoking bongs in college with guys who look exactly like Lil Dicky.

Line of the year
The one about bleaching assholes, of course. Say what you will about Kanye, but the guy began a radio single with a line about bleached assholes. A true accomplishment. Second best line is A$AP Ferg talking about buying shovels.

What else? Time to click the post button and watch the regret pile up.