Tuesday, September 20, 2016

PLEASE GHOSTWRITE FOR MY DEMO



I had about six niggas on my payroll
I had a white bitch eatin' out my asshole!

It's de rigeur to hate on SpaceGhostPurrp these days, mainly for his shitty music and personality, but don't act like his YouTube playlists of Memphis rap tapes wasn't lit like Thich Quang Duc. That channel created a new lane for creepy white guys who like Adult Swim, saving the Boneses and Lil Ugly Men of the world the indignity of having to ape Necro in 2010. If Purrp had played his cards right and kept his mouth shut, he could have rode A$AP's Yam to some kind of tastemaker residency at the NYU Institute of Advanced Streetwear or whatever.

What's the next frontier of era mining? I won't be mad if it's Louisiana rap tapes. This early Critical Condition tape ain't a revelation along the lines of "Runnin-N-Gunnin," but I would rather hear a Purrpian rehash of their Rap-A-Lot/Suavehouse rehash than another post-Keef warbler talkin bout the Xans in his YSL fannypack. And their forward-thinking attitude toward buttplay? Callin shots like Nostradanus.

If the rapping sounds especially similar to UGK, it might not be coincidence. Unclear whether they'd hooked up with Pimp & Bun at this point, but 2008 Vibe Noz alleged Bun was writin' they shit on the CC Waterbound LP.

Friday, September 9, 2016

THE SON AND THE FURLY GHOST



Missed this one the first go-round, now resurfacing on a J-Diggs project minus the strong D-Lo and Mistah FAB verses. Some legal shenanigans or a cutting-room dis? IDK. As far as beyond-the-grave performances are concerned, Mac Dre goes harder than Bruce Lee's archival footage in Game Of Death. Is it a coincidence that these two visionaries both loved Hennessy? Kermit drinkin Heem in that teacup, you smell me?

Unfortunately, Nef The Pharoah sees it as an opportunity to indulge in a SNL audition tape Mac Dre impression, instead sounding like spooky Vincent Price. Neffy: Vallejo's eternal little brother. You love the guy, but you also just wanna bully him, give him some swirlies and raise him up the flagpole by his Versace briefs. Maybe hanging out with J-Diggs will toughen him up.

Friday, September 2, 2016

I'M BOUT TO POP A BLOGGA!



Ha ha! Free Roc
I miss my brother,
he was just like my pops
A li'l bad motherfucker, ain't nothin other

Attention fetishists, rap-related and beyond: Molly Brazy is a tiny young woman rapping about armed robbery and shooting people. So catchy is the I'm bout to pop a nigga refrain, it begs to be sampled retroactively in a '06 Rick Rock production; all you need is E-40, or his Asian impersonator, to drop the "UUUUUUUUUH." Loafcore takin root, for real: the New Detroit may finally have its own unsavory "Chicken Noodle Soup."

Molly bodies DoughBoy Roc, but the livewire production should be a welcome return to form for anyone unmoved by the whitewashed Gordy-zation of Payroll Giovanni and Cardo's critically acclaimed collaboration. Now I know how the O.G. Lemonade and Brownies fan felt when he saw Mark & the boys mugging it up on the beach.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

PACKIN THE MAC WITH AK AND SOME SNACKS



Nice li'l grimy joint comin out the rap metropolis of Huntington, WV. Blame "Grindin," 'cause ya mans is always down for narcoleptic street raps juxtaposed with a hype beat. Despite the presence of some questionable rap jeans and an impostor Ty Money, there's a lot to like about "Mac Talk."

 i owe my soul to the company store

1. THE RETURN OF CORNERSTORE MOBBIN
As I went over in my classic purple-shirt-yuppie-in-the-"Peso"-video post, the cornerstore/bodega has played an integral part in the rap video. It's heartening to see it brought back with style.

2. SKI MASK WAY
These guys appreciate the visual menace of a ski mask. The ski mask has a celebrated history in rap, but I'll always remember the not-gay boner I got during the "Shorty Wanna Ride" video, when a masked-up Buck performs an aggressive dance to "Stomp."

3. BABY-FACED GANGSTER
Dre Bandzz on some Sonny Carson shit, ice in his veins despite sounding like he's barely entered puberty.

4. FULLY ASSIMILATED IMMIGRANT SHOPKEEP
At least in one area, race relations in America have definitely improved. While songs like "Black Korea" and "Cocaine In The Back Of The Ride" had less than approving depictions of the Asian store owner, his Middle-Eastern counterpart has done a better job of adapting to the local culture. In between barking Arabic into his headset, you'll see this guy chopping it up with the locals and pushing dimebags while dressed like he just stepped out of Husalah's closet. You might not like him, but goddamn it you respect him.

unknown pleasures of faygo

5. FAYGO
The video ends with a long take of a bottle of Faygo. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

WORST JEANS IN RAP


"quality rap pants" - dj drama

Now I know u be flocking to PRAM MUSIC HYSTERIA! for intellectual discussions of da highest echelon, but we gonna take a break from our regular programming to talk about pants. Rap has a checkered history with denim. Here are some of the worst offenders.

MOZZY
Following Mozzy on Instagram inspired this post. This guy's jeans look like a mid-life crisis creative directed by Vivienne Westwood. Mozzy wears jeans that Adam Ant and Johnny Depp would see and be like, "Nah, them shits is too gaudy." These are the pants you wear when you decide to kill yourself, but only after emptying your bank account and flouting the rules of nature in one final Abu Dhabi blow-out bash.

FETTY WAP
Fetty rocking the "single mom in the bondage club" look. If you Google worst jeans in rap, he is literally the first result. The Arizona Balloon Festival sweatshirt is dope tho.

2CHAINZ
The legacy of 2 Chainz will always be tarnished for popularizing the Jon Gosselin look. Polo's popularity in the '90s had journalists trying to reconcile why inner-city black kids would want to dress like preppy white kids. More perplexing: why rappers (or anyone) would want to look like Sunset Boulevard trash.

ASAP ROCKY
That said, if I had to choose between ASAP Rocky's Eurotrashaloons and True Religions, I'd have the whole world romping around rockin the Buddhaman like gay choo-choo conductors.

JAY-Z
Bragging about not wearing skinny jeans on record, while conspicuously reducing his denim footprint, is the story of why Jay-Z has sucked since 2003. It's hard to believe this tool is the same guy who composed the greatest ode to the greatest rap jeans of all time.

ANYONE WEARING OVERALLS AFTER 2PAC
"Let the late great veteran live," he says to the performer striking a Christlike pose.

WIZ KHALIFA
Skinny jeans reduce sperm count, so how many lives does Wiz have to answer for? Pittsburgh's Pol Pot of Pants.

HONORABLE UN-MENTION: SOULJA BOY
Soulja Boy deserves a Lifetime Achievement Award in Rap Jeans for his '07/'08 work. When you're trying to get the right fit, a good rule of thumb is to try looking like Dikembe Mutombo doing that thing where you put your knees on your shoes and pretend to be a midget. His output has slowed down, but Soulja is a true god of large pants.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

MAKE MEXICAN-AMERICAN RAP GREAT AGAIN



The artistic merits of "Fuck Donald Trump" were secondary at best, irrelevant at worst. It received critical acclaim for satisfying provisions of an unspoken agenda: hunger for political rap in the mainstream, historically the easiest way to legitimize the genre, and the desperate need for an anti-Trump anthem. Fuck Donald Trump, sure, but the rhetoric of "FDT" falls too often into The Donald's own talking points. The only Mexican mentioned by name is El Chapo; even then it's in the context of violence. After Mexplaining so hard on the original, you'd at least expect Nipsey and YG to get a Mexican rapper on the remix. Instead we have G-Eazy and Macklemore making me want to build a shrine to Lord Jamar.

Where are the Kid Frosts of today? Like Christian rock, Chicano rap is a megalith outside the mainstream, consumed by the thousand despite minimal-to-nonexistent press. YG made overtures in the right direction featuring Sadboy Loko on My Brazy Life. Whereas Sadboy is an extension of Chicano gangbanger rap, King Lil G is a sensitive street rapper softened by pop instincts, a cholo take on the J. Cole formula of conventional lyricism, polished song structure, and Millenial narcissism.

"Cold Christmas" is more along the lines of A-Wax's sad dopeboy mope-alongs, without the hard scumbag edges. When Wax recollects, it's usually about stabbing someone in juvie or an ex-homie or lover who eroded his trust in humanity. In contrast, Lil G's voice cracks with vulnerability when he remembers his mother's cooking: She made me happy with Mexican food...she made the greatest food. Unctuous as he sounds, Lil G's underlying moral core sells better than Wax's white-trash fatalism (I been bangin so long even moms says brazy), where the past is dark and innocence is irretrievable.

Cloying theatrics aside, it's still a pretty good song. A collaboration between Lil G and Kap G called Mexican Gs? Ándale!

Monday, August 8, 2016

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MAN IS FOR THE BIRDS!



Smack smack, bitch! HD's last couple projects was aight but a li'l generic, gave me some real Oakland mixtape rappers circa now is the new New York mixtape rappers circa 1998 type heebie jeebz. Chuuuch. Ain't gonna front like I listened to Pianos & 808s in its entirety; let's be real, that title is a little too earnest for its own good, you'd think he'd be on the cover sitting at a grand piano staring at his hands looking real contemplative and shit, black & white photography and whatever w/ some fuckin Chico DeBarge and Carl Thomas collabs.

This "Chicken Nuggets" tho, I fuck with it. Really I'm an easy mark when it comes to any food-related raps. I could even stomach :) that novelty album MF DOOM made when he was at his most hipster gassed up. And chicken nuggets? Yo, I eat those! So I'm all over this shit like a healthy slather of BBQ sauce on some chix nugz. Lest you think HD was dollar-menu rappin, he spells it out for you that this is a metaphor for something more illicit than breaded poultry: I ain't talkin bout no chicken nuggets ;) ;) ;). I say...what a rogue!

All this chicken talk takes me back to the days when I was working at the box factory, coming home late nights and copping some wings and fries from the fellas at Crown Fried, then slidin over to the Moroccan bodega to cop some Coors tallboys to help me better neglect my BM. Chuuuch! Ay, speakin of chicken talk, Lil Blood and 12 Gauge Shotie got a mixtape called Chicken Talk, thus bearing out my prediction that Guccistalgia is nigh. As with most Lil Blood projects, there is one good song. Peace!!!