Sunday, July 15, 2018

BAY SLANG WATCH



What have I been doing with my year? Riding hither and yon like a dandelion seed borne on the indifferent winds of existence?

No.

I've been being punk. It's one of my favorite hobbies, this being punk. So imagine the shock to my glue encrusted Manic Panic when I heard ShooterGang Kony casting aspersions on a "punk rock thooter."

Could it be a callback to "Fruity Pebble Punk Rock," or is Kony making sweet crusty love in between vegan bake sales at 924 Gilman?

I don't care. I'm punk, and I will continue practicing my punk no matter what you say. Kony works in the boilerplate nĂ¼-Bay style so quickly becoming indistinguishable from its Detroit counterpart, perhaps realizing the world-flattening that hysteric early-'00s rap millenarians saw in the internet's rise, but, like, who really fucking cares? It makes me feel big and powerful when I'm driving in my fast car.

We're just dust in the wind. ShooterGang Kony's music will be forgotten when the big .exe in the sky decides to pull the plug, and you and I are cobbling together shacks with melted-down Vertical Horizon CDs. But by all means, enjoy it while it lasts.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

BEST OF 2017...WE ONLY SIX MONTHS LATE, BRUH!


In this particular instance, what may initially appear as a blogger's complete ineptitude and inability to follow deadlines, actually reveals itself as an ingenious use of Brecht's distancing effect. By submitting a 2017 wrap-up almost six months into the next year, the Rap Music Hysteria impresario shocks the reader out of his/her pathetic bourgeois sham of a life and confronts them with the arbitrary measure of the calendar year as an ordering device; the breakneck pace of internet consumption, wherein the year's previous best are barely regarded in the next; and, ultimately, his deeply moral list reminds us of death.

LMFAO jk gang, I was too lazy to cobble one of these together last year, but why the fuck not drop this on y'all heads and let it stand for posterity. I imagine there will be a lot of omissions because I care as much about this list as you do. Leggo!

Mozzy - The People Plan
21 Savage - Close My Eyes
Gunplay & Mozzy - Never Had Shit
OMB Peezy - Lay Down
Willie The Kid - You Know About Me
Rich Homie Quan - Gamble
Westside Gunn - Brains Flew By (1964 Version)
CyHi The Prince - Nu Africa
Playboi Carti - Magnolia
Shy Glizzy - Congratulations
Z-Ro - Houston 2Gether
Valee - Shell
Lil B - Bad MF
Lor Choc - Fast Life
Kur - Uptop! Uptop!
Lil Yee - The Illest
YoungBoy Never Broke Again - No Smoke
G Perico - Bacc Forth
Lil Peep - Beamer Boy
Tay-K - The Race
Ballgreezy & Lil Dred - Nice & Slow
Lud Foe - Recuperate
Quelle Chris - Buddies
Chief Keef - Whoa
Kodak Black & Jeezy - Feel Like
MeloDroppin30 & Lil Chicken - No Grease
Young Dro - The Real A
Lil Durk & Lil Reese - Distance
G Herbo - Street
Lil Wop - Backwoods
XXXTENTACION - Everybody Dies In Their Nightmares
Yo Gotti & Nicki Minaj - Rake It Up
Young Dolph - Play Wit Yo Bitch
Count Bass D & Snoop Dogg - Too Much Pressure
Creek Boyz - With My Team
SahBabii & Loso Loaded - Pull Up Wit Ah Stick
Kendrick Lamar - DUCKWORTH.
Spodee - From Tha Bottom
SOBxRBE - Game On
Milo & Elucid - Landscaping
Young Thug, Carnage, Meek Mill - Homie
Dru Down - My 501's
Future - Zoom
Keak Da Sneak - Thunderdome
Prodigy- Mafuckin U$A
Vic Spencer - Legitimate Ignorance
Troy Ave - Never Switch
J Stalin & DJ Fresh - Play With Lil J
Princess Nokia - Mine
Cam'Ron - 10,000 Miles
Koran Streets - Comfortable
MikeWillMadeIt, Chief Keef, Rae Sremmurd - Come Down
Trick Daddy, Trina, Mike Smiff - Paradise
Migos - T-Shirt
Ralo - Calm Down Ralo

Special Mention for "Bodak Yellow." Never really enjoyed it at any point, but I understood why people did. Felt like an asexual monitoring an orgy.

Saturday, May 19, 2018

WHEN YA TROLLIN BACKFIRE



Wassup y'all, can't say much about my long sabbatical from the rap 'nets, but let's just say I was taking a lot of hallucinogenic colonics and practicing my alphabetical genital glides. Can't be more pacific than that, so let's just move on to the rap and forget I ever wrote that sentence.

Aight, I took an internship with a certain M--o Y., who recently set up shop in Miami. The boy put me on to books by Thomas Sowell, and I started questioning the whole ethics of this rap thing. I wore Dockers and topsiders, ranted about thug culture unbidden, jerked off into piles of FBI crime statistics. But I was walking down the street when I heard this fuckin sphincter-rattlin' sound.

"Who that?" I asked the young mocha-colored hombre. His skin was like coffee and chocolate and cinnamon and burnt umber. Felt like painting the mothafucka in a loincloth, ya feel me? Had that Gauguin boner 4 real (no homo).

"Boy, stop. You know that's Lil Xan."

Suddenly I loved rap again! Went back and checked up on my old pal DB Tha General. He got a new project out, something about being the king of Oakland and the crown weighing heavy. I can't swap out this window, chief, I gotta let the words flow. It's pretty good if you like DB - who, lez be real, created both the Mozzy and SOBxRBE lanes now dominating the Bay (I mean, I think - I been dabbling in erotic facepainting for the past half a year) - but there's one song called "You A Fag." The chorus goes, "Bitch, you a fag!" I thought that was pretty funny, so I sent it to my potna.

"Lol check this out man shit's deep."

Only my Google search ended up linking me to a completely different song!  Lol, trolled. The song ended up being great and I looked stupid. Turns out David Drake even wrote about it back in the day, comparing Husalah's raps to Ghost and Rae. Yeah, I hear that Double D! Husalah kills DB on his own shit, but who really won the war? I'd rather listen to current DB than 2018 Husalah on his best day. That being said, I've spent the past few moons lab-testing priapic Listerine strips, so what's my opinion worth?

I'm gettin old, y'all. I don't wanna hear about the drugs you took or the chicks you dicked. I wanna hear about your pain, bruh. I wanna hear about your struggle. There is no hope, there's only us!

Friday, October 27, 2017

BEST RAP WRITING OF 2014: THE BLATLANTA PAPERS

 Middle school era Thugger and DC Young Fly

Follow me as I turn this blog into a gossip rag. Yung Barvey Kingpin giving you the raw and real messageboard rumors. Cause if I don't muckrake, who will?

Members of the Coli fraternal order are claiming that the now dormant account Blatlanta is Ralo or "somebody close to him within that FAMERICA camp." I won't attribute words to a source without legitimate proof, but whoever it was submits a dossier of intriguing insider info; in particular, the 2014 thread "Young Thug nikka is a straight up batty bwoy," in which he questions the notion that Young Thug's gender subversion is anything more than a cynical cash grab.

Even if true, does contrivance change anything in a world where presentation is reality? Lou and Bowie may or may not have rode dick for counterculture points, but they were still getting gay in public at a time when that was taboo. Put a read on this:

Dude trollin hard as fukk and he's always been a nikka who did shyt just for attention since High School he's just gettin more extreme with it nowadays cause he's doing it on a larger scale. nikkas voted him best dressed in high school as a joke...I went to high school with him for a few years before he transferred after getting jumped and beat with a bat(hence those facial scars and why his teeth used to be fukked up) in like 9th or the beginning of 10th grade. Everybody used to call him "Lil Jeff"..

He one of them ugly ass funny nikkas that always did crazy or odd shyt to get attention from hoes. He started QB in high school and was a basketball star, his dad is a local legend for athletics and coaches bball at the high school. He aint really start going crazy til he started taking rap real serious, dude had a scholarship to college for athletics and fukked it all up.


He a real hood nikka tho, not a drug dealer but more of a user that would rob dealers or set em up and such. He got hella p*ssy on the block too and his name whole weight on the southside and westside of ATL heavy, nikka got like 6 kids around the city and tons of baby mamas and he only 23.

 

Dude tied up in so much bullshyt between signing 360 contracts and owed street debts that he not really eating off his career. Birdman taking 15% of everything himself and I know the 300 ENT 360 deal he signed prolly taking at least another 15-30%....

He been rapping since like 2010 and wasnt really seeing any success from it outside of the hood of ATL so this gay shyt just a way for him to get attention on a larger scale, I know him and his manager, and his sisters and all the nikkas he used to be on the block with and its obviously a gimmick. His manager told me they were looking for a way to garner attention for him to take to the next level last september right after he invested 10K to fix his teeth.

The nikkas from his block say he "gay for pay" now lol....


Once he got his teeth fixed thats when the gimmicks started just watch the vids below he used to be crazy and outgoing, now the nikka wanna act shy and barely talk at all in an interview, Rich homie gotta talk for him lol. Dude been drugged up, it's just that he softened himself up to get mainstream attention...a suspect "gay" rapper named Young Thug is perfect for 2014.


That last sentence >>>> every Young Thug thinkpiece. Blatlanta then claims, "Peewee Longway's whole career is based off being Thug's lean, weed and molly man. Like Thug had been copping from him for years and then once Peewee started rapping Thug basically put him on in exchange for drugs to use lol..."


What's the basis for the belief that this is Ralo? A signature now gone, a still from an early Ralo video as an avatar, the insider info and photos - in a word, only circumstantial evidence. In any event, his assertions give new insight into Thugger's media savvy. Whether it was a contrived stunt or a heartfelt rejection of binary gender roles, his antics kept homophobes and -philes talking. Andre 3000 might have done it first, but that was long before the thinkpiece bubble descended on us. Thugger knew what critics and open-minded fans wanted to see. The rest is thinkpiece history.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

BALLGREEZY FAN PAGE



Who let these new kids in? I see them with their Thrasher shirts, prescription pills, and prostate-stimulating repetition. What happened to the days when Trick Daddy and Gunplay tried minting Florida rap with a lyricist's imprimatur? SoundCloud rap is just dexontextualized postmodern appropriation, which proves we've reached the end of culture. Right? Yes. No.

Cry if you want, or blame someone. Not Rick Ross - he exists in a geohistorical void of his own making. It's Spaceghostpurrp. Not just the father of all these reprobates, he is their direct link to the old school ("I'd bring Markese with me to the studio," Morrison says. "He'd just sit and watch Disco Rick work the engineering board. It definitely got Markese's attention."). Now we have a traceable lineage, now we have cause and effect, and we can sleep easily at night knowing that the problematic rock bricolage of a Xxxxtentacion isn't that far away from "Fuck Around The Clock" or "Do Wah Diddy", and Little Pump and Smoke PUrple circle around the same blown-out absurdist drain as "Let's Get Muthafuckin' Stupified" and "Smurf Rock."

Raider Klan inaugurated a distinct break from the half-thizzy club anthems of yesteryear (despite Denzel Curry honoring Bizzle on "Envy Me"). Whether this was a deliberate aesthetic choice, or an effect of generation gaps, urban sprawl, personal enmities, or insider/outsider industry politics, it marks a splintering - a rupture. Existing parallel to Raider Klan and their children, traditionalists like Ice Berg, Lil Dred, and Mike Smiff continue producing content steeped in familiar conventions. Like Kodak Black, who combines new-gen meme literacy with older rap styles, Ballgreezy stands between movements but remains outside them, continuing in a post-jook mode while softening its Dionysian edges with grown-man world-weariness. At times he resembles one of the mournful songmen of today; this might be the case, and yet Greezy was crooning before Wayne and Kanye broke down the R&B doors and liberated moping for the kids of today.

Who will unite the Florida factions? Who will be the self-conscious Jay-Z or RZA attempting to bridge the gap of false binaries, long after anyone cares? I see a fat man in the distance. Who is he? He smells of wings. It's Rick Ross, the man without a country. He holds the key - interlocking Wingstop gift cards. They represent money, fame, industry clout, and $50 worth of Wingstop product at any Wingstop location. As of this writing, he is the key who unites the various schools.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

NOW DENVER/OKC/DALY CITY ARE JUS LYKE COMPTON



Denver: home of Don Cheadle, Chauncey Billups, Philip Bailey, the guy who molested Neal Cassady, and my mom dukes. Ya mans spent part of his youth walkin up and down Colfax, sidestepping the methheads and shovin my hands in wat. Shout out to Paul's Liquors and the girl from Montbello who broke my heart.

So it always hit close to home when Quik related a less than positive Denver experience in "Jus Lyke Compton," his Odyssey/"On The Road Again" travelogue. If any of you mumblin Soundcloud whippersnaps need a refresher, Westword and Quik-via-Drake can help you out with that. But the postmodern critique is all about questioning metanarratives - infinite sides and oblique angles to every story, and Quik's fame and clout means his is privileged over all others.

Enter the internet with a new element of hip-hop: unsubstantiated forum rumors. TomTom, a Denver-based user on streetgangs.com, thinks DJ Quik is "SOFTER THAN WET TISSUE!!" Peep game.

OK FOLKS MUCH PROPS 2 THE RU'S BUT QUIK IS A HOE....PEEP GAME...THIS NIGGA CAME OUT HERE BACK IN LIKE 89/90, AND DID A CONCERT RIGHT...WELL HIM AND BOUGHT 10 OF HIS TREE TOP HOMEYS GOT 2 TAGGING NIGGAS UP AND WAVING THEY FLAME FLAGS, AND THANGS RIGHT...WELL THE EASTSIDE CRIPZ, FROM OUT HERE JUST RUSHED THE STAGE AND WOOPED ALL THEM NIGGAS...QUIK VACATED THE PREMISE LEAVING HIS HOMEYS ON STAGE 2 GET RODE ON...SECURITY WASN'T EVEN DEEP ENUFF 2 STOP THEM EITHER..IT WAS LIKE 50 OF THEM CRIPS...HOW DO I KNOW...MY RELATIVES WERE THERE AND TOLD ME EVERYTHING....AFTER THAT THE CONCERT THERE WAS A HUGE GANG FIGHT AND ONE OF MY OLDEST SISTA'S POTNAS GOT KILT....POINT MADE...QUIK AINT BEEN BACK 2 THE 405 SINCE....BOUT 2 YRS LATER HE WENT OUT 2 DENVER AND GOT WOOPED BY SOME DENVER RAYMONDS...THAT'S WHY HE PUT DENVER'S NAME IN THAT "JUS LIKE COMPTON" SONG.....ANY OF U CPT NIGGAS NO HIM THEM THEN ASK HIM WHY HE HASN'T BEEN BACK...LOL.....ASK HIM BOUT DENVER 2 CAUZE I HEARD THAT WAS WORST.....HE DOESN'T GIVE A GOOD SHOWING FOR TREE TOPS....BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION....

After user 2%Soda says that Quik got his ass whooped in Daly City, TomTom adds Oklahoma City to the list. The electronic revolution: giving voice to the voiceless. Back in the day you needed a few 16s to set the record straight on who whooped whose ass.

Eleven years after these 2004 posts, Quik returned to Denver with Warren G in tow. As for TomTom? Wherever he is, I hope he's bangin' and postin' and spreading gossip like a punk-ass bitch.

Monday, July 24, 2017

all this and baltimore


One love to the Baltimore carpetbaggers sauced out in Old Bay drapery. One love to the Boh sippers and the dope feens leanin' on St. Paul.

Cash Money tributes are more played out than hashtag punchlines and Comme des Fuckdown longsleeves. But in that deluge of superficial aesthetic mining and cynical nostaljack bait, few attempted to make something that actually sounded like vintage Cash Money. T.S.O. Tadoe, who made some noise in 2015 w/ "YSN," runs with Cash Moneys public-housing thematics over a bed of that anime-fight-scene woosh Mannie often used (e.g. "Trigga Play"); Noz could probably tell you what synth he used if you study at the Red Bull Music Academy.

VERDICT: Better than Tyga's "Cash Money." Not as good as "Whores In This House."

As a teenage Noz stan, I co-opted his single-minded hatred of Birdman. Noz regarded Birdman as the Big Tymers' fatal flaw, kind of like how El-P's rapping, beats, concepts, beard, red hair, wardrobe choices, and existence are the fatal flaw of RTJ. He finally understood what Birdman brought to the table after a magical weekend listening to Poncho Sanchez with Lil' B, but he never explained what caused the sudden about-face. Perhaps it was a mix of Brandon's charisma and the realization that Birdman's sneer and lavish no-nonsense raps enabled Mannie's tomfoolery. Ya boy been listening to a bit of Big Money Heavyweight 'cause it's one of two Big Tymers albums on Spotify, and it dawned on me that Mannie and Baby don't quite get their due in the annals of rap duos. Big Tymers >>> Nice & Smooth >>> Group Home >>> Black Star.