Friday, March 17, 2017

OBLIGATORY RAP POST


Waah waaah! I don't like very much New Rap in 2017! Waaaaaaaah, I'm a baby! The only new shit ya boy rly excited about is SOB x RBE + OMB Peezy, so at the risk of another dancehall post (comin soon bitchez), here is a Peezy feature with some guy named Wntrs, who I guess is one of those mischievous but ultimately squeaky clean post-College Dropout types in the mold of a J. Cole with maybe a li'l Anderson Paak limited-edition Supreme headwrap neo-rap&bullshit t'rown in to cover all demographics. Peezy goes in over some minimal percussion, stumbling a li'l here and there, but delivering them feel-em-in-ur-heart raps that give more credence to Boosie comparisons than his squeaky-ass goblin voice. Skip to :41 for skr8 Peezin. CHUUUUUUUUCH

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

DANCEHALL MUSIC HYSTERIA #9: I'M SO BORED WITH THE USA!


I was at the rap club the other day and some of my rap friends asked me why I'm writing so much about dancehall these days. I stroked my chin intellectually and took a sip of my Four Loko (neat). Maybe it's cause 2K17 rap has been pretty uninspiring so far*. It's great the Migos Meme Team been on hyperdrive, but Culture is the Migos we've always known in a new, even more self-aware wrapper - a few brilliant songs + hi-NRG filler + downbeat filler.

The Migos are who we thought they were! And we let them off the hook!

Meanwhile Future is trying to be Lorde if she made Honest. At least he's past the sad pillhead phase.

Maybe it's cause dancehall hasn't quite reached the inevitable, all-consuming postmodern tipping point, where every song contains a thinkpiece and the germ of an ironic film-school video. Ya we get it, the internet is weird. When the meme instinct consumes dancehall, I'll move on to gospel; and when Kirk Franklin starts putting the Lord in air quotes, I'll move on from that, and so on and so forth until I'm memed entirely out of existence. CHUUUUUUUUUCH!
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*I guess Shy Glizzy (I refuse to call him Jefe) got some joints on the latest

Friday, March 3, 2017

POST-REGIONAL REGIONAL LOOKIN GLOBAL


Things done changed since the 2 Live and Gucci Crews ruled Dade County. When 808 kicks fell out of vogue, the identity of Miami rap splintered into something incoherent and upsetting: the fatboy yacht-rap of Rick Ross, Pitbull's tawdry ¡Latino!™ pap, Flo Rida's corporate team-building pop-rap. With the (arguable) exceptions of Trick Daddy and the Raider Klan, the only true regional sound has been on underground dance songs - the blurred lines of stick, jook, and the grey area between fast music and Philly wu-tang.

In 2015, Denzel Curry recontextualized stick music to surrealist effect on "Underwater." Kiddo Marv welds the same local influence to the Haitian roots-fusion Wyclef mines when he's not mining his charity. Past experience shows this kind of thing can turn quickly into gimmickry; but already responsible for the most recent local classic, it might be the Haitian contingent who rehabilitates Miami rap.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

DANCEHALL MUSIC HYSTERIA #8: THE SONG THAT ALMOST GOT AWAY


Dancehall artistes, y'all need to step up ya social media presence. "Artillery" finally hits the web after getting played on Waggy T's show for months. Thought I'd lost it forever when my Shazams was fruitless, and you know Googling the lyrics is out of the question for a cultural tourist like me. I went home and trawled through Waggy's Twitter playlist, searching every potential candidate on Youtube in the hope I'd identify it through a process of elimination. But you can't identify what isn't digitized. I was like, "Yo, does this song even exist or is this all some cosmic joke?" I saw myself as a crazed 70-year-old man broken by a song he hallucinated in 2017 and spent the rest of his life trying to find. "He said something about a gun from Sri Lanka," I'd say to the nurse, teary eyed as she changed my diaper.

Mad airhorns went off when I identified the pleasant song as Pappy V's "Artillery." Unfortunately, Pappy V is the kind of guy who hasn't updated his Twitter since 2012. It ain't real until it hits the internet! In the meantime, I tried to succor myself with alternate takes on the riddim, but nothing matched Pappy's intensity. This the One Click era, Pappy, get with the times. Give me instant gratification or give me death.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

CLOUD RAP'S NOT DEAD, I KNOW IT'S NOT!


T.F is a rappin-ass rapper in the mold of his weed owner Schoolboy Q - an exponent of that kinda half-gangsta, half-pillhead streetwear rap I think I'm probably too old to understand. He's doing his li'l "Broken Language" rhetorical list-rap* on "Unprofessional Shit," but it's da beat that really stands out.

Think the squares used to call it IDM back in the day? Sounds like something the Earthtone boyz might cook up when Andre was in his I like Squarepusher phase, before he swallowed the taint-sweat kombucha and ascended to Heaven's Gate holding manicured hands with eskimo brother-in-arms Jay Electronica. Let me just check up on a crazy hunch I have...*Googles Shea Wooten, confirms he's a white nerd*.

Yeah I'm a cloud rap fan who never saw Clams rock the DAW on Yam$ blog, but I'm still an easier mark for the basic formula than a kid in head-to-toe Flog Gnaw. The 73rd best rap song of 2010 in 2016.
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* T-minus two until the "'Ha' is a direct descendant of 'Broken Language'" thinkpiece drops

Thursday, February 16, 2017

TRAPPIN OUT DA BANLIEUE



French rap ("Frap") has a long, inglorious history of schoolteachers tryna pull a Dangerous Minds (1995) and rly get thru 2 tha kids. Or maybe you slurpin on some 'scargot at a charming li'l bistro only you and other savvy urbanites know about, sippin some of that Bordeaux tryna get your Piaf on, but the restaurateur has Huang-Bronsonian pipe dreams of making it as a hip-hop foodie, and as you receive a plate of foie gras shaped in the Wu-Tang W, MC Solaar comes on the victrola rapping about John Ford.

Shit is weak any way you slice the baguette. This Cheu B & Pon2Mik joint is something of a bangeur tho, borrowing standard Atlantan trap moves and garnishing it w/ a melancholy piano loop. Blame Franco Montana for this sick development of cultural hegemony and imperialism*. Cheu B collabed wit Rich Homie Quan, so you know it's only a matter of time before Paris gets its own Magic City.

Promising I'll never write about German rap ("Grap"), RAP MSUCIS HSYTERIA rides away into the unknown.
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* Pon2Mik is actually from Guadalupe, but all French people look alike so w/e.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

DANCEHALL MUSIC HYSTERIA #7: "REAL" DANCEHALL!



For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Just a lil somethin I thought up when I was gettin my hair blown out by a picturesque guido. It's a truism that applies to dancehall as well as hip-hop. Every time a revolutionary like Shaggy pushes the culture forward, a neo-reactionary contingent rises up to resist the changing of the cultural tide.

We're all familiar with the righteous traditionalism of "real hip-hop." Gappy Ranks is what you would call "real dancehall." It tries to set its scene in the same aural region as a PNP Rally, but it's studied where the original was spontaneous. Find a thicc gyal to bruk on mi cock and I'll be sounding my airhorns all over this Diploid simulacrum. In the back of my mind, I'll know I'm just dancing by myself in the back of a Johnny Rockets, and all the real soda jerks were long ago buried in their beds of malt.