Wednesday, August 15, 2018


For a complex of obvious reasons, Memphis rap fetishism has long been the province of art degenerates, edgelord punx, and non-racist metalheads, which is why I've always been gun shy about stanning for the venerable likes of DJ Squeeky and M.C. Mack.

What's that you say about the penultimate post? Allow me to remove my clip-on mohawk. Meant nothing, bought it from a costume store. I'll just put on the vintage FUBU jersey I usually wear. Yes, some say it's cyan, others say it's sky blue. You never know until you study color theory!

Post Lamone, you say? Never heard of her. No, mine isn't vintage in that sense, I've been wearing it since '97, it's vintage in the sense of age not provenance.

This FUBU jersey is so comfortable. When I put it on I feel at ease with the world, unlike the semiotically confused palefaces who stand behind their merch tables proffering harsh noise cassettes and Tommy Wright III shirts. Is it any wonder SpaceGhostPurrp can't stand the Yacubian devil? His old MuneyJordan YouTube channel, with its carefully curated underground Memphis playlists, gave birth to the Lil Ugly Manes and Sucide Men of the world. Memphis makes, the world takes and remakes.

Which is why I was surprised to hear Pretty Tony & 38 Slug's "Summer Drama" step away from the gothic and headbussa cliches of so much Memphian random-rap, giving us a summer song encompassing the minor glories and bullshit of a dog day's scene, underscored by the warm piano chords that made the "Player's Ball" reprise/remix so ineffably poignant (no homo).

Perhaps Schopenhauer said it best when he wrote, "The inexpressible depth of all music, by virtue of which it floats past us as a paradise quite familiar and yet eternally remote, and is so easy to understand and yet so inexplicable, is due to the fact that it reproduces all the emotions of our innermost being, but entirely without reality and remote from its pain. And that Pretty Tony & 38 Slug shit? It makes a Krautta like me feel a certain kinda way.

"You know how Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J are always going on about the 'wicked shit' to describe Esham and whomever? I get it, local pride and all, but it's better applied to the Memphis underground, and 'Summer Drama' somehow weds the wicked shit with cookout music. It's apropos when you consider the whole of summer: you're out grilling schnitzel with your Krauttas as the murder rate rises."

I couldn't have said it better, Art.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018


Ya man was mainly listening to the sounds of orca whales and gradual mental collapse in my blog sabbatical. You ever heard dopamine die? It sounds like Hopsin and Kweli made a mixtape.

So I missed the moment when the rap internet blew its collective nonbinary load for 03 Greedo. He's cool, but my load remains unspent. He's a Los Angeles rapper who does street rap that doesn't sound like LA street rap, and sometimes he sounds like Young Thug. Right? Hit me up if you got the answers, cause like Kindler, I guess I didn't get the mem-o.

Unfashionably, I've been listening to a fair amount of ALLBLACK, a pimp-rapper seemingly tailor made for the tastes of basement-dwelling blog boiz, who also seem to be the only people talking about ALLBLACK. Is pimp-rap dead? I suspect it can't go anywhere after Suga Free. ALLBLACK certainly won't reinvent it, but he adds a bohemian nose ring and ditches the high camp that often tempers the more unseemly aspects of pimp bardage. It's revisionist pimp-rap, stripping away the pageantry from the cold business of selling pussy. Will PC Culture take my precious pimp-rap? Time will tell, but know one thing: I'll dye (my hair blonde) for my entertainment (anonymously).

ALLBLACK is a bad rapper in, I think, a compelling way. He always lags slightly behind the beat, not unlike the fiendish shadow people who stalk my every move yet disappear like cowards when I turn to confront them (pour one out for Art Bell). On "Ball Out" he's joined by Greedo and '15 Martorialist Freshman Nef the Pharoah. Greedo ditches the vocal filters and delivers what's formally the strongest verse I've heard from him. Is my thinking swayed by the fact that he compares a vaginal scent to stroganoff? Yes, but he gallivants in a very lavish and outlandish manner, channeling Ezale at times.

Nef bats second in his Cheshire Cat style, which, though effective in bursts, hasn't been strong enough to sustain anything beyond a yearly single or two. The celestial counterpunch to Greedo's earthbound food metaphors is effective. ALLBLACK only handles the chorus, meaning we don't get to enjoy his good-bad rap stylings, which is good for some and bad for others. All in all, a magnificent song that helps to blot out the evil punk rumblings in my head for two minutes, eight seconds.

Sunday, July 15, 2018


What have I been doing with my year? Riding hither and yon like a dandelion seed borne on the indifferent winds of existence?


I've been being punk. It's one of my favorite hobbies, this being punk. So imagine the shock to my glue encrusted Manic Panic when I heard ShooterGang Kony casting aspersions on a "punk rock thooter."

Could it be a callback to "Fruity Pebble Punk Rock," or is Kony making sweet crusty love in between vegan bake sales at 924 Gilman?

I don't care. I'm punk, and I will continue practicing my punk no matter what you say. Kony works in the boilerplate nĂ¼-Bay style so quickly becoming indistinguishable from its Detroit counterpart, perhaps realizing the world-flattening that hysteric early-'00s rap millenarians saw in the internet's rise, but, like, who really fucking cares? It makes me feel big and powerful when I'm driving in my fast car.

We're just dust in the wind. ShooterGang Kony's music will be forgotten when the big .exe in the sky decides to pull the plug, and you and I are cobbling together shacks with melted-down Vertical Horizon CDs. But by all means, enjoy it while it lasts.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018


In this particular instance, what may initially appear as a blogger's complete ineptitude and inability to follow deadlines, actually reveals itself as an ingenious use of Brecht's distancing effect. By submitting a 2017 wrap-up almost six months into the next year, the Rap Music Hysteria impresario shocks the reader out of his/her pathetic bourgeois sham of a life and confronts them with the arbitrary measure of the calendar year as an ordering device; the breakneck pace of internet consumption, wherein the year's previous best are barely regarded in the next; and, ultimately, his deeply moral list reminds us of death.

LMFAO jk gang, I was too lazy to cobble one of these together last year, but why the fuck not drop this on y'all heads and let it stand for posterity. I imagine there will be a lot of omissions because I care as much about this list as you do. Leggo!

Mozzy - The People Plan
21 Savage - Close My Eyes
Gunplay & Mozzy - Never Had Shit
OMB Peezy - Lay Down
Willie The Kid - You Know About Me
Rich Homie Quan - Gamble
Westside Gunn - Brains Flew By (1964 Version)
CyHi The Prince - Nu Africa
Playboi Carti - Magnolia
Shy Glizzy - Congratulations
Z-Ro - Houston 2Gether
Valee - Shell
Lil B - Bad MF
Lor Choc - Fast Life
Kur - Uptop! Uptop!
Lil Yee - The Illest
YoungBoy Never Broke Again - No Smoke
G Perico - Bacc Forth
Lil Peep - Beamer Boy
Tay-K - The Race
Ballgreezy & Lil Dred - Nice & Slow
Lud Foe - Recuperate
Quelle Chris - Buddies
Chief Keef - Whoa
Kodak Black & Jeezy - Feel Like
MeloDroppin30 & Lil Chicken - No Grease
Young Dro - The Real A
Lil Durk & Lil Reese - Distance
G Herbo - Street
Lil Wop - Backwoods
XXXTENTACION - Everybody Dies In Their Nightmares
Yo Gotti & Nicki Minaj - Rake It Up
Young Dolph - Play Wit Yo Bitch
Count Bass D & Snoop Dogg - Too Much Pressure
Creek Boyz - With My Team
SahBabii & Loso Loaded - Pull Up Wit Ah Stick
Kendrick Lamar - DUCKWORTH.
Spodee - From Tha Bottom
SOBxRBE - Game On
Milo & Elucid - Landscaping
Young Thug, Carnage, Meek Mill - Homie
Dru Down - My 501's
Future - Zoom
Keak Da Sneak - Thunderdome
Prodigy- Mafuckin U$A
Vic Spencer - Legitimate Ignorance
Troy Ave - Never Switch
J Stalin & DJ Fresh - Play With Lil J
Princess Nokia - Mine
Cam'Ron - 10,000 Miles
Koran Streets - Comfortable
MikeWillMadeIt, Chief Keef, Rae Sremmurd - Come Down
Trick Daddy, Trina, Mike Smiff - Paradise
Migos - T-Shirt
Ralo - Calm Down Ralo

Special Mention for "Bodak Yellow." Never really enjoyed it at any point, but I understood why people did. Felt like an asexual monitoring an orgy.

Saturday, May 19, 2018


Wassup y'all, can't say much about my long sabbatical from the rap 'nets, but let's just say I was taking a lot of hallucinogenic colonics and practicing my alphabetical genital glides. Can't be more pacific than that, so let's just move on to the rap and forget I ever wrote that sentence.

Aight, I took an internship with a certain M--o Y., who recently set up shop in Miami. The boy put me on to books by Thomas Sowell, and I started questioning the whole ethics of this rap thing. I wore Dockers and topsiders, ranted about thug culture unbidden, jerked off into piles of FBI crime statistics. But I was walking down the street when I heard this fuckin sphincter-rattlin' sound.

"Who that?" I asked the young mocha-colored hombre. His skin was like coffee and chocolate and cinnamon and burnt umber. Felt like painting the mothafucka in a loincloth, ya feel me? Had that Gauguin boner 4 real (no homo).

"Boy, stop. You know that's Lil Xan."

Suddenly I loved rap again! Went back and checked up on my old pal DB Tha General. He got a new project out, something about being the king of Oakland and the crown weighing heavy. I can't swap out this window, chief, I gotta let the words flow. It's pretty good if you like DB - who, lez be real, created both the Mozzy and SOBxRBE lanes now dominating the Bay (I mean, I think - I been dabbling in erotic facepainting for the past half a year) - but there's one song called "You A Fag." The chorus goes, "Bitch, you a fag!" I thought that was pretty funny, so I sent it to my potna.

"Lol check this out man shit's deep."

Only my Google search ended up linking me to a completely different song!  Lol, trolled. The song ended up being great and I looked stupid. Turns out David Drake even wrote about it back in the day, comparing Husalah's raps to Ghost and Rae. Yeah, I hear that Double D! Husalah kills DB on his own shit, but who really won the war? I'd rather listen to current DB than 2018 Husalah on his best day. That being said, I've spent the past few moons lab-testing priapic Listerine strips, so what's my opinion worth?

I'm gettin old, y'all. I don't wanna hear about the drugs you took or the chicks you dicked. I wanna hear about your pain, bruh. I wanna hear about your struggle. There is no hope, there's only us!

Friday, October 27, 2017


 Middle school era Thugger and DC Young Fly

Follow me as I turn this blog into a gossip rag. Yung Barvey Kingpin giving you the raw and real messageboard rumors. Cause if I don't muckrake, who will?

Members of the Coli fraternal order are claiming that the now dormant account Blatlanta is Ralo or "somebody close to him within that FAMERICA camp." I won't attribute words to a source without legitimate proof, but whoever it was submits a dossier of intriguing insider info; in particular, the 2014 thread "Young Thug nikka is a straight up batty bwoy," in which he questions the notion that Young Thug's gender subversion is anything more than a cynical cash grab.

Even if true, does contrivance change anything in a world where presentation is reality? Lou and Bowie may or may not have rode dick for counterculture points, but they were still getting gay in public at a time when that was taboo. Put a read on this:

Dude trollin hard as fukk and he's always been a nikka who did shyt just for attention since High School he's just gettin more extreme with it nowadays cause he's doing it on a larger scale. nikkas voted him best dressed in high school as a joke...I went to high school with him for a few years before he transferred after getting jumped and beat with a bat(hence those facial scars and why his teeth used to be fukked up) in like 9th or the beginning of 10th grade. Everybody used to call him "Lil Jeff"..

He one of them ugly ass funny nikkas that always did crazy or odd shyt to get attention from hoes. He started QB in high school and was a basketball star, his dad is a local legend for athletics and coaches bball at the high school. He aint really start going crazy til he started taking rap real serious, dude had a scholarship to college for athletics and fukked it all up.

He a real hood nikka tho, not a drug dealer but more of a user that would rob dealers or set em up and such. He got hella p*ssy on the block too and his name whole weight on the southside and westside of ATL heavy, nikka got like 6 kids around the city and tons of baby mamas and he only 23.


Dude tied up in so much bullshyt between signing 360 contracts and owed street debts that he not really eating off his career. Birdman taking 15% of everything himself and I know the 300 ENT 360 deal he signed prolly taking at least another 15-30%....

He been rapping since like 2010 and wasnt really seeing any success from it outside of the hood of ATL so this gay shyt just a way for him to get attention on a larger scale, I know him and his manager, and his sisters and all the nikkas he used to be on the block with and its obviously a gimmick. His manager told me they were looking for a way to garner attention for him to take to the next level last september right after he invested 10K to fix his teeth.

The nikkas from his block say he "gay for pay" now lol....

Once he got his teeth fixed thats when the gimmicks started just watch the vids below he used to be crazy and outgoing, now the nikka wanna act shy and barely talk at all in an interview, Rich homie gotta talk for him lol. Dude been drugged up, it's just that he softened himself up to get mainstream attention...a suspect "gay" rapper named Young Thug is perfect for 2014.

That last sentence >>>> every Young Thug thinkpiece. Blatlanta then claims, "Peewee Longway's whole career is based off being Thug's lean, weed and molly man. Like Thug had been copping from him for years and then once Peewee started rapping Thug basically put him on in exchange for drugs to use lol..."

What's the basis for the belief that this is Ralo? A signature now gone, a still from an early Ralo video as an avatar, the insider info and photos - in a word, only circumstantial evidence. In any event, his assertions give new insight into Thugger's media savvy. Whether it was a contrived stunt or a heartfelt rejection of binary gender roles, his antics kept homophobes and -philes talking. Andre 3000 might have done it first, but that was long before the thinkpiece bubble descended on us. Thugger knew what critics and open-minded fans wanted to see. The rest is thinkpiece history.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017


Who let these new kids in? I see them with their Thrasher shirts, prescription pills, and prostate-stimulating repetition. What happened to the days when Trick Daddy and Gunplay tried minting Florida rap with a lyricist's imprimatur? SoundCloud rap is just dexontextualized postmodern appropriation, which proves we've reached the end of culture. Right? Yes. No.

Cry if you want, or blame someone. Not Rick Ross - he exists in a geohistorical void of his own making. It's Spaceghostpurrp. Not just the father of all these reprobates, he is their direct link to the old school ("I'd bring Markese with me to the studio," Morrison says. "He'd just sit and watch Disco Rick work the engineering board. It definitely got Markese's attention."). Now we have a traceable lineage, now we have cause and effect, and we can sleep easily at night knowing that the problematic rock bricolage of a Xxxxtentacion isn't that far away from "Fuck Around The Clock" or "Do Wah Diddy", and Little Pump and Smoke PUrple circle around the same blown-out absurdist drain as "Let's Get Muthafuckin' Stupified" and "Smurf Rock."

Raider Klan inaugurated a distinct break from the half-thizzy club anthems of yesteryear (despite Denzel Curry honoring Bizzle on "Envy Me"). Whether this was a deliberate aesthetic choice, or an effect of generation gaps, urban sprawl, personal enmities, or insider/outsider industry politics, it marks a splintering - a rupture. Existing parallel to Raider Klan and their children, traditionalists like Ice Berg, Lil Dred, and Mike Smiff continue producing content steeped in familiar conventions. Like Kodak Black, who combines new-gen meme literacy with older rap styles, Ballgreezy stands between movements but remains outside them, continuing in a post-jook mode while softening its Dionysian edges with grown-man world-weariness. At times he resembles one of the mournful songmen of today; this might be the case, and yet Greezy was crooning before Wayne and Kanye broke down the R&B doors and liberated moping for the kids of today.

Who will unite the Florida factions? Who will be the self-conscious Jay-Z or RZA attempting to bridge the gap of false binaries, long after anyone cares? I see a fat man in the distance. Who is he? He smells of wings. It's Rick Ross, the man without a country. He holds the key - interlocking Wingstop gift cards. They represent money, fame, industry clout, and $50 worth of Wingstop product at any Wingstop location. As of this writing, he is the key who unites the various schools.