Thursday, March 10, 2016
MORE OF A HOWARD JOHNSON GUY MYSELF
Not even nostalgia could get me to vouch for "Holidae Inn" or "Right Thurr" in good conscience. Imagine my desperation when I turned to a new Chingy mixtape after offerings from Kap G and Cardi B left mine callous heart unmoved. A collaboration with the imaginatively named M.C, The Purge pairs Chingy with boilerplate trap beats for the most unnerving midlife crisis since Peedi Crakk went full ATL on CF5. Only the endearingly goofy "Coolest Ever" recaptures whatever it was Chingy did well. One can easily imagine a video in which Chingy, bedecked in a luxuriant throwback sweatsuit and fitted cap, rolls his '03 Bentley Continental through South Beach, making rap hands at the camera between cuts of his foxy passengers licking lips and pouting for the close-up. He even got Nelly to dip into whatever cryogenic chamber he's been hiding the St. Lunatics, and thaw them for long enough bless the track!
Chingy, a newly minted Black Hebrew Israelite, blames an alleged romp with a member of the third sex for his career's decline. Pity if that's true. However, it must be pointed out that Mister Cee, Eddie Murphy, and Ma$e survived similar rumors and confirmed trysts. It remains to be seen whether Tyga can ever come back, but ya mans was already down for the count. Maybe, Ching-a-Ling equipped with much ding-a-ling, you should take a long look in the mirror and realize it wasn't rumors, Illuminati, or gentiles who ran you out the industry.