JOE BUDDENS BEEN ON A LOSING STREAK SINCE 2009

You might object to the title of this post. "Buddens been losing since he came out his mama's womb," you say. Fair enough. In counterpoint, "Pump It Up" still hits when it comes on the old fart radio.  Summer of '03, brah—Buddens and Young Gunz had radio hits on the heels of the summer of Diddy and Loon. Diplomatic Immunity, kid. Chain Gang Vol. 2, pal. We mistook the dying breaths of East Coast rap's mainstream viability for an evolution, a return. Mea culpa, motherfucker.

If you reading this blog, you know all of Buddens's subsequent actions have been laughable. Who put the battery in the back of this one-hit wonder? Buddens saw Lil B bubbling in 2010 and his moustache-twirling ass got jealous.

Fast forward after some back and forth. Joe Buddens's balding, near-death body is dropped in the Palisades once Lil B merked him on the greatest diss song of the decade.

Can you murder someone who's already dead? A year prior in '09, ol' bloviating, delusional Buddens took exception to being behind Melle Mel on a Vibe list of greatest rappers. What followed was a line-by-line, clinical assassination from the swolest originator.

That alone would've been enough, but Melvin went even further by showing his proficiency with one of the more newly minted elements of hip-hop—the streaming video shitting-upon thereof. Peep game.

After taking a heinous, fact-based shit on Joe Buddens, Melle Mel seeks recourse in a chart—a 1-30 metric following a mugshot-style pipe-smoking human figure from head to haunches.

FIG. 1

"Melle Mel is number 5. I'm around the throat-part, or the mouth-part of hip-hop."

FIG. 2

"Joe Budden is down here, number 32. That's somehwere around the ass crack or the ballsack of hip-hop!"

Joe Buddens doesn't even fall within Melle Mel's metric. Buddens, you been trash. Come around me with your human ass-crack shenanigans and I guarantee you'll be needing the Preparation H.