Wednesday, July 10, 2013
DA NEXT EPISODE: EGYPT WAS HIP-HOP! (REVISIONIST HISTORY, PART TWO OF MANY)
Yo! RAP MUSIC HYSTERIA goes hard as fuck! All I gotta say on that front. U know what it is.
But yo, I promised y'all I was gonna delve into the Secret History of Hip-Hop dat the leading rap intellectuals don't want y'all to know about. So check it, we all know hip-hop consists of several elements. One is bling (diamonds, chains, etc), another is self-aggrandizement, and the last two are B-boying and beatboxing.
First off, check out those big booty hoes up top doing the wah watusi. Video hoes before dey even had videos! I bet these bitches was all up on the Pharaoh's dick like, "Mmm big daddy, lemme get embalmed with you" and he was all, "Beeeeitch, stop talkin that shit and suck my fuckin dick fo some papyrus."
But yo, da Egyptians also correspond to the self-aggrandizement element of hip-hop. Dey was all, "Life takes us all, word is bond, but I'ma make myself immortal. Yo slaves, build me a fuckin pyramid!" Now slavery is mos def not hip-hop, as hip-hop is all about freein yourself from mental slavery. So in dat way I guess the Egyptians wasn't hip-hop. But in dey obsession wit bein immortal? Hell yeah.
Dudes was also flossin like crazy. More gold than a player's ball and dey even got buried wit mad lucre. I bet if they was alive today, they'd be rappers and be all, "Yo, bury me in a Maybach while I'm wearin Pucci sneakers and Tru Religion jeans and a Gucci bucket cap and surround me with racks on racks and mad ice and hoes and fuckin Han Solo me in gold and platinum."
This KNOWLEDGE (c) has been brought to you by RPA MUSIC HISTORAI!