Wednesday, January 13, 2016


Wake up in the morning, take a piss and grab a strap / Then I wipe my ass and then I pour a cup of Ac

Ayo, I'm fuckin with this new Durk joint a lot mo' than I thought I would! What changed in the time between 300 Days 300 Nights and the Def Jam brand coaster he dropped last summer? If "My Beyonce" is any indication, it's cause he got some Loaf in his life. I know when I'm gettin TLC and nutting regularly I'm happier and more productive, so good for both of 'em.

So not only does he have the best fingerbang jam since "Let Me Hold You," he also one-ups Future's "When you wake up before you brush your teeth / You grab your strap, nigga" line talkinbout takin a piss and wipin his ass! Not to get too fancypants on ya ass, but this is a major advancement of the culture, not unlike when James Joyce dropped the Ulysses mixtape and devoted a few pages to a character taking a shit and wiping his ass. 300 Days 300 Nights also proves Durk's business savvy. He's goin hardbody for that cheesy grits money on "Waffle House," while "Make It Back" seems like a subtler bid for that toilet paper yaper.

Here's hoping this is the beginning of a new trend, where rappers describe da banal details of their morning routine. Rap values realness, and what's realer than rollin outta bed, wiping the cold out ya eyes, sippin on some Folgers and waitin for the BMs to drop? I can't even consider blasting myself until I've had my coffee.


  1. The "Wake up in the morning, ________" trope is one of my favorite rap line formulas. It probably would make a good list if I could think of all the great ones I've heard over the years. The one springing to mind now is Wayne gurgling "I woke up this morning, dick rock hard, ashed my blunt in my grammy award" and then later completing the routine with "looked in the mirror, said 'you's a ill nigga', then I ran to that money like track and field nigga" but I know there are better ones...

  2. E-40's "Woke up in the A.M., toasted out of my cranium
    Gotta take a shit, took a dump in the Mediterranean" on Spittin always gets me cracked up as well :

  3. This is a great idea. All credit due to Redlite!

  4. I been thinking about rappers's morning habits since last week, and thought of how much the way they tell you about it is only furthering they rap persona, here's a few exemples :

    The ever-so-nonchalant Devin:
    "Wake up in tha morning and I have weed still and I chill
    With tha brothas sippin coffee
    Too old to be listenin' into what you say so hoe get off me"

    The champion of Hedonism Mac Dre:
    "Woke up one morning by 6 O'clock,
    dick still smelling like spit and cock"

    The emotionnally torned Jacka:
    "In the morning I don't eat, I just wake up"

    I'll post more shit if I hear it on my speakers or suddenly remember it while shopping and start doing my best rappers impersonation in front of the cashier.

  5. Ampichino demonstrates a precise, economical penmanship when setting the scene in the soul-sampling deep cut America's Nightmare.

    "Woke up, count my bread, slapped my bitch
    Grabbed my shirt, went to the bathroom and took a piss
    I came out, rolled an L of tha pie
    I can smell death in the air, I can feel it on the inside"

  6. And that's why I love Ampichino!


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