Wednesday, June 3, 2015

BOOSEPRINT 2: ELECTRIC BOOSALOO


I tend to resort to metaphors cause sometimes the world is too terrifying to face directly.  So strap on your goggles if ya retinas burn easy: Touch Down is Boosie's Scent Of A Woman, a decent work from a great artist receiving exaggerated plaudits from people desperately flagging down a departed boat.   Death Row was his Blueprint, and this is his Black Album -- same formula, diminished returns. Here's what's next:

1. Boosie records a song about swivel chairs with Mumford & Sons.

2. Gets into art, performs anal rendition of Interior Scroll at Baton Rouge gallery for "Schneemann Baby" video.

3. Relaunches Ask Jeeves to compete with Google, holds celebratory press conference attended by luminaries of Louisiana rap. C-Loc appears wearing Daft Punk helmet tailored for large heads; all living and free members of 504 Boyz sign contract while inside tank from "Make Em Say Uhh" video; FrankieThaLuckyDog and DJ B-Real finally make peace, remuneration and unblocking on social media follow.

4. Writes tie-in album inspired by scenes from Ant-Man.

5. Drops "D.O.S.," humorless screed against the sausage movement. Sausage movement persists.

6. Releases Collision Course inspired crossover album with Ronnie Radke.

7. Collaborates with Bonz Malone on Decoded style book written in such intense vernacular it rivals the most inscrutable passages of Hurston and Faulkner.

8. Finds his name used as currency for candidates trying to gain the youth vote. "We freed Boosie," boasts a shmoney-dancing Hillary Clinton at a Brooklyn rally, "And we'll free GS-9!" Ted Cruz clarifies comment on post-9/11 conversion to country music: "I also bumped a lot of Boosie, shed many tears."

9. Buys stake in New Jersey Devils, moves team to Baton Rouge.

10. Records 10-minute dis against Javale McGee.

11. Samples Tad's "Grease Box" on song bemoaning perils of fame, taps Nick Jonas for chorus.

12. Performs on MTV Unplugged special wearing shirt made of recycled dorm-room Che Guevara posters.

13. As Ask Jeeves reboot stiffs, stages concert performing songs not available through Google Video.  Attended mainly by industry shills.

14. Wears jeans with sandals.

15. Releases Ghetto Stories 2 with Webbie.  All is forgiven.

9 comments:

  1. 14.5. Meets Fall Out Boy whilst wearing a BAPE sweatshirt.

    Fuck the BasedGod curse, Frankie put a hex on DJ B-Real that stopped him getting any beats on this album.

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    1. Definite schadenfreude on that one.

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  2. Frankie has been busy consuming donuts and liking his own instagram posts. Cheers to this blog from a non-commenting reader

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    1. Cheers to your blog, from a non-commenting enjoyer of your mixes.

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  3. Interesting read, that I just googled. Yeah, B-Real still has me blocked and I keep picking up overtime hours to escape tha pain! My check for April 12, 2014 was tha last check I had with no overtime hours (only my first two checks with no overtime), so I've been busy, busy, busy! However, I still make time for people! But yeah, I luv how my name got brought up and lol @ tha "donuts!" Tomorrow's National Donut Day; gonna prepare for that in a MAJOR way! 1,500 donuts!! And, I luv how my girlfriend says, "If it wasn't for 'that guy' (B-Real), I would have never met you!" I just luv her! I still wish B-Real would unblock me and reconnect with me. I do have his number, but he never answered me. Also, my life completely changed a month ago, when my younger brother was found dead of a (most-likely) heroin overdose in my studio room on May 10, 2015. I tried to approach B-Real about it, knowing that you never know when your last day iz, and he didn't even answer me! It's like, we could be dead tomorrow! Can't promise this world after my brother died!

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  4. Sorry to hear about your brother, Frankie. B-Real is a crumb, the Blogspot militia has your back.

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  5. Thanx 4 that! Yeah, B-Real'll be all, "Boo-hoo-hoo," with Lil' Phat all tha time, but fuckin' don't acknowledge my brother? Bullshit! He looks like he aged, too, while I still look like a kid...

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  6. The donuts (doughnuts?) must be the fountain of youth. Sorry about your loss homie. Don't let the haters stop you from doing album reviews in abandoned hospitals and so forth. We love you around these parts.

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  7. Donut Day was excellent! We had 700 Chocolate Frosted & 840 Glazed to give away, with a grand total of 2,642 donuts! But yeah, donuts do make my world go 'round... And, thanx for tha words. I'll continue to stay as consistent as I possibly can. Take note that I'm preparing a lotta big video projects/documentaries in tha meantime, on top of six dayz a week at work. I have so many ideas to generate and each one's takin' a while to complete. But, I take every day at a time! Can't wait for another live review, wherever it may be, though I gotta figure out which artist gon be exciting for me to review, again, as well as tha kinda time I may have...

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