Sunday, March 22, 2015


Post Malone, WhoLovesMakonnen, dominated two-week content cycle in early February with his blasphemous single "White Iverson."  I don't know where this Dirty Sanchez'd gremlin-dwarf gets off comparing himself to one of the baddest players to ever finesse the parquet, but I'll address those concerns at the next community board meeting.  But this ain't about his musical accomplishments or the fact that he's bitin the ironic durag-chic of A.R.E. Weapons, the Suicide of the gentrification era.  I bring him up for the persistent rumor attaching him to one of rap's two famous T.I.s.  Nepotism and insider privilege make the world go round, so here's a couple of names from a forgotten corridor of pale rap history.

Whooliganz, comprised of a young Alchemist and Scott Caan, were the Beverly Hills charity cases in Cypress Hill's Soul Assassins collective.  Wisely dropping the name Mudfoot, the lil w-word with the dopey grin would go on to produce some pretty good material with Prodigy.  The future New Age Danno went by the name Mad Skillz at the time, which means he can probably claim OG status over rap's favorite novelty historian.

In 1994, boxing analyst Max Kellerman and his late brother Sam dropped a single called "Young Man Rumble" on Ruff House.  Moderately better than Whooliganz, it's an of-the-era Wu-Tang/Onyx homage with, of course, a boxing theme.  Remember this got the video treatment at a time when Jay-Z was still scheduling Big Daddy Kane's pre-Playgirl waxing appointments.

Now I be hobnobbin with the rich and infamous, so I know how this shit can go.  Young Hamilton goes to school with a couple of Doogie Howsers who do that rapping thing, and Papa Viacom sees an opportunity to purchase a new Cambodian child-slave.  So was it their proximity to money and influence that allowed these kids to live out their rap dreams, or were labels just throwin money at any young Caucasian with large pants and basic rhyme structure?  Hip-hop and the monied class been strange bedfellows ever since Raymond totally porked the gallerist ho in Wild Style.

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